Reaching Out
So I have been fighting with myself about what to write about this week. I have a week until Bad Origins releases. I have launched a new Facebook page with my friend L.E. Martin and I am trying to get back on track in terms of advertising. I have fallen off the wagon when it comes to promoting my books, which is not a good thing. I am trying to dedicate as much of myself to my craft as I can. I realized after having a conversation with L.E., about a new segment we want to start on our page, I haven’t wanted to read books like I had months ago. Part of the reason is I have been working a lot. The other part is that I have not wanted to read any book. It is almost like I have lost my love for reading. I haven’t in all honesty but I find it hard at this point in my life to dive into a love story because of what I am currently going through. Truthfully, I am going through more than a divorce. I can’t go into details but know that my heart is a bit bruised at this point. All of this made me start to think of how do I find the desire to read once more?
Reading is an essential piece of the puzzle when you are a writer. Reading helps us learn how to write in new ways. It helps us get creative juices flowing and for me it has connected me to some amazing people. Without my love for reading, I would have never met my friend Amanda. Being forced to stay at home due to the pandemic, plus the other jobs I am doing to find financial independence, and my city also had bad weather for part of the month of April, it is difficult to want to read. It has also been hard for me to get on the computer and write. Everything that is happening around us affects whether we want it to or not. We try to stay positive. We do what we can to keep going and yet there are times, like now, that sometimes it all becomes too much. I was recently talking with a friend about depression and how it works. I have fought depression on and off for many years, I have watched others around me battle it as well. Her thoughts were you just have to do something about it, you have to push through or you deserve to stay in it. Now as someone who has battled depression myself it is not that simple. Depression is a dark hole that is hard to climb out of, many of us still function daily. We go to work, we help our kids, we may even hang out with friends but we are still in that hole. Being locked down does not help. As an artist, all of this begins to affect us and our craft. Whether you are an author, musician or painter, ect. Life around us inspires us. Being forced to shelter in place in a non-healthy situation does affect all of us. It creates an unhealthy situation overall for you and it makes it difficult to want to invest in your craft.
So back to my question: how do I find the joy in reading once more in order to continue to write? I think the first step is to admit what is wrong. For me, I am dealing with a difficult situation and I am feeling trapped with no way out on so many levels. I am feeling a little hopeless and that makes me not want to partake in something that generally is a happy ending. I am battling my demons on top of all that. All of this makes me want to scream and maybe punch someone. The next step is trying to find an outlet for my feelings. Normally, I would say karate is my outlet but I had to give up my lessons due to the cost. So getting to go to the dojo and hit someone or hit a bag is out of the question. Instead I walk. I walk anywhere from four to six miles a day. When things get too bad on the mental front, I take an extra walk in order to escape. Anything that helps deal with what I am feeling. With good weather finally blowing in, I also have started riding my bike. Last year as some of you might recall my friends built me a mountain bike. I had mastered getting on the thing and riding it without falling off. I even got up to riding it for thirty minutes but then the snow came early and I had to stop. I am having to start over building up my endurance on the thing. You would think some one who walks so many hillsides would be able to handle longer than fifteen minutes on a bike but I have found another outlet for the pent up frustration I feel all the time. My last outlet is calling my mom. She and I talk not quite daily but it’s close. Having an outlet to bitch for fifteen minutes or more to someone who knows all that I am going through helps. She doesn’t judge or try to tell me I should be doing this or that. She listens and lets me bitch, whine and moan.
All of this is leading me back to what I enjoy. I actually picked up my Kindle and started reading this week. I have also started reading Twilight with my daughter as well. I am finding that desire to read and write once more. I am starting to hear Savannah and the others more clearly, than I have in a few weeks. It makes me feel like there is a light at the end of this very dark tunnel I am in.
Here’s the thing: I am lucky because I have found these outlets. I have found a way to deal with what I am feeling. Do I still have dark days? Yes. I am still battling all of it regularly but for others it is worse. For others who are in similar situations, things right now may not be so hopeful. They may not have found an outlet yet or maybe their outlet can’t happen because of everything still on locked down. Maybe they just feel too lost to find an outlet.
So reach out to those people who are having a hard time. Try not to judge or tell them what they should do. Just be there for them. This is a difficult time for a lot of people. The longer we go with social distancing, the harder it will get mentally for certain individuals. Try to find your own outlets because I am sure there are a number of others feeling like I am. And if the person you reach out to doesn’t respond just remind them that you care. Make sure they know you are there if they need you. A simple “how are you” can go a long way. Stay strong. Until next time!
Reading is an essential piece of the puzzle when you are a writer. Reading helps us learn how to write in new ways. It helps us get creative juices flowing and for me it has connected me to some amazing people. Without my love for reading, I would have never met my friend Amanda. Being forced to stay at home due to the pandemic, plus the other jobs I am doing to find financial independence, and my city also had bad weather for part of the month of April, it is difficult to want to read. It has also been hard for me to get on the computer and write. Everything that is happening around us affects whether we want it to or not. We try to stay positive. We do what we can to keep going and yet there are times, like now, that sometimes it all becomes too much. I was recently talking with a friend about depression and how it works. I have fought depression on and off for many years, I have watched others around me battle it as well. Her thoughts were you just have to do something about it, you have to push through or you deserve to stay in it. Now as someone who has battled depression myself it is not that simple. Depression is a dark hole that is hard to climb out of, many of us still function daily. We go to work, we help our kids, we may even hang out with friends but we are still in that hole. Being locked down does not help. As an artist, all of this begins to affect us and our craft. Whether you are an author, musician or painter, ect. Life around us inspires us. Being forced to shelter in place in a non-healthy situation does affect all of us. It creates an unhealthy situation overall for you and it makes it difficult to want to invest in your craft.
So back to my question: how do I find the joy in reading once more in order to continue to write? I think the first step is to admit what is wrong. For me, I am dealing with a difficult situation and I am feeling trapped with no way out on so many levels. I am feeling a little hopeless and that makes me not want to partake in something that generally is a happy ending. I am battling my demons on top of all that. All of this makes me want to scream and maybe punch someone. The next step is trying to find an outlet for my feelings. Normally, I would say karate is my outlet but I had to give up my lessons due to the cost. So getting to go to the dojo and hit someone or hit a bag is out of the question. Instead I walk. I walk anywhere from four to six miles a day. When things get too bad on the mental front, I take an extra walk in order to escape. Anything that helps deal with what I am feeling. With good weather finally blowing in, I also have started riding my bike. Last year as some of you might recall my friends built me a mountain bike. I had mastered getting on the thing and riding it without falling off. I even got up to riding it for thirty minutes but then the snow came early and I had to stop. I am having to start over building up my endurance on the thing. You would think some one who walks so many hillsides would be able to handle longer than fifteen minutes on a bike but I have found another outlet for the pent up frustration I feel all the time. My last outlet is calling my mom. She and I talk not quite daily but it’s close. Having an outlet to bitch for fifteen minutes or more to someone who knows all that I am going through helps. She doesn’t judge or try to tell me I should be doing this or that. She listens and lets me bitch, whine and moan.
All of this is leading me back to what I enjoy. I actually picked up my Kindle and started reading this week. I have also started reading Twilight with my daughter as well. I am finding that desire to read and write once more. I am starting to hear Savannah and the others more clearly, than I have in a few weeks. It makes me feel like there is a light at the end of this very dark tunnel I am in.
Here’s the thing: I am lucky because I have found these outlets. I have found a way to deal with what I am feeling. Do I still have dark days? Yes. I am still battling all of it regularly but for others it is worse. For others who are in similar situations, things right now may not be so hopeful. They may not have found an outlet yet or maybe their outlet can’t happen because of everything still on locked down. Maybe they just feel too lost to find an outlet.
So reach out to those people who are having a hard time. Try not to judge or tell them what they should do. Just be there for them. This is a difficult time for a lot of people. The longer we go with social distancing, the harder it will get mentally for certain individuals. Try to find your own outlets because I am sure there are a number of others feeling like I am. And if the person you reach out to doesn’t respond just remind them that you care. Make sure they know you are there if they need you. A simple “how are you” can go a long way. Stay strong. Until next time!
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