Giving Myself Permission to Rest

​It’s Saturday and I just asked my husband if it was okay to take some quiet time and do nothing today. I continued on by saying “I’m feeling like if I don’t rest my head, I am not going to be good for you and the kids.”
 
Shocker #1: I acknowledged my weaknesses of being in an overload mental capacity and prioritized doing something for myself. As my recent weekly blogs have stated, I am teetering at the edge of a PTSD cortisol mental shutdown (that’s my self-described diagnosis when my ability to function shuts down). Given all that is going on in the world I imagine everyone reading this post can relate. Domestic violence recovery: Permission to RestShocker #2 was my husband’s casual response “of course you can do whatever you want; no need to apologize. Enjoy!”
 
My inability to prioritize taking care of myself stems from my abuser’s relentless pounding lies of how selfish I was, how ugly I was, how worthless I was, and how unloving I was. Twenty-one years of beaten down self-worth followed by years of being a single mom for three children crushed any thoughts of positive self-worth.
 
But now my children are older and no longer an excuse for my undivided time. I am happily married to an unbelievable Christian man who takes great care of me. My faith is stronger than I ever could have imagined.
 
Yet, my self-worth continues to linger behind the abundant, loving life I worked so hard to achieve and now have. Lasting change to my destroyed belief in myself due to the years of emotional abuse seems to be an insurmountable feat. 
 
As I capture these thoughts on paper, I am reminded that God calls on us to rest. The Bible provides God’s specific guidance on resting such as:

Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested form all the work of creating that he had done. Genesis 2:3 There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Hebrews 4:9-10  Then, because so many people were coming and going, they did not even have a chance to eat, he (Jesus) said to them, “come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest. Mark 6:31 
If I don’t want to prioritize resting for myself, then I need to prioritize resting for my relationship with God. I need to remind myself that I can’t hear God’s prodding and guidance if the scrambled thoughts in my head are erratically bouncing around. Rest, calming down my thoughts, is key to being vigilant to where God is taking me.
 
Additionally, rest is giving myself God’s grace, love, peace, calmness, and protection. Rest provides me with the vessel to accept all the wonderful things God’s love provides while letting go of the chains from my abuser’s deeply subconscious lies.
 
I think we all know what we should be doing to rest (eat better, exercise more, turn off electronic devises earlier, doing devotions, listening to Christian music, etc.) and how these do or do not fit our current situations. But none of these things are going to happen or be sustained unless we believe it’s okay to put ourselves first for a few minutes every day.
 
Writing this blog post has been extremely confirming today. What a wonderful way to spend my time resting and getting closer to God’s word.
 
I pray for God’s peace and calmness to be with you all,
 
Sue
Slowing Down to Value My WorldInstead of living for the moment, I spent the first few years of being a single mom hoping and praying that I could get through the day. There was always so much to be done while raising my three little children. My head was constantly racing prioritizing what needed to be done versus what was going to be put off till tomorrow. Driving my children to their events, homework, dinner routine, laundry, and cleaning the kitchen often sent me into a spiral of tears.
​Keep ReadingReceive Email Notifications: #mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */Email Address