Travels with my Mother-in-Law
Foreign travel is one of those activities that invariably requires new tricks. It's also said that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. So whatever made my husband and I think it would be a good and fun idea to take his 84 year old arthritic, heavy, walker-and-wheelchair-bound mother to Slovakia in the middle of December?
This seemingly dubious plan was hatched in the spring, when my mother-in-law Dorothy began talking about wanting to see the land of her grandparents. She was born in the US, as were both her parents, but all are 100% Slovakian; she grew up in a Slovakian neighborhood, speaking Slovakian at home. But no one in her family had ever gone back to visit and she decided it was time to go.
Given her health problems, she couldn't manage this on her own. Once we decided to take her, we realized we had to balance the need for careful planning with an equally urgent need to go as soon as possible. The upcoming summer was too soon and the following summer might not be soon enough. The fall was not possible for us, so we settled on mid-December. The downside was the strong possibility of snow and ice; the upside was the chance to spend time in the Christmas markets amidst the holiday festivities of southern Germany, Austria and Slovakia.
Planning took easily a hundred hours. The details and choices required much research into the definitions and availability of accessible bathrooms in hotel rooms, air and train transfers, wheelchair accommodations, accessible theatres, restaurants and venues for Christmas musical concerts, and more. We now know a LOT about these sorts of things!
The trip was a great success. Hard work, but quite wonderful in many ways. Travel is always about flexibility and being curious, being ready to be amazed and always being interested in new ideas, new sights and new experiences. Getting old is supposedly about losing flexibility, both mentally and physically. But with careful planning, an eye toward pacing and a little pushing, a trip like this can be incredibly rewarding.
Here are a few tips:
We scheduled an 8 day trip, with two days in each of four cities. We walked a fine line between making the schedule too hectic vs. making the whole trip too long.
Make all hotel reservations in advance. We found that Marriott has an international accessibility hotline: 1-888-236-2427. You can also call directly (it costs pennies to call Europe on Skype) to confirm the hotel bathrooms have walk-in showers with seats and plenty of grab bars in the shower and near the toilet. Then when you check-in, visit the bathroom and if it's not as expected, get it fixed. We had to call housekeeping to get the shower bench delivered in a couple of the hotels.
Most large cities in Europe have extensive information about accessibility of local sights, tourist venues and restaurants. Their websites are very useful.
Make sure there are no more than one or two stair steps into and out of the hotel. (The scariest part of the whole trip was in one hotel where she tried to navigate two steps down by herself in her walker.) In our Salzburg hotel, we wanted to eat in their basement pub which was publicly accessible only down a long flight of stairs, so the staff very kindly took us through their kitchen elevator to reach it.
Book first class train tickets—that's the only way you will have room for wheelchairs and walkers. Not all first class is the same, however, so check websites carefully. Also, some trains have "disability access" cars with tie-downs for wheelchairs and large, wheelchair accessible bathrooms. We booked in regular first class, but used the disabled bathrooms. RailJet in Austria and Germany worked well for us.
Plan to take more taxis than you might normally do. Buses and subways are likely not possible.
Check for numbers of stairs to any attractions you plan to attend. There are ramps in some places, but they tend to be steep and sometimes narrow, so make sure you are strong enough to manage the wheelchair.
Make sure your traveler has an up-to-date passport and that she brings it! Also have her bring an ATM or debit card so she can get money easily wherever you go.
Make sure she's packed her medicines, copies of all prescriptions and her health insurance card. Most Medicare programs include emergency international care.
Bring extra plug adapters for the countries you will be visiting.
Appropriate clothing is essential. If necessary, have someone pack for her. For us, we were most concerned that she not get chilled sitting in the wheelchair.
Take plenty of pictures with your traveler's camera and then follow up to put them in a scrapbook for her.
Plan to take breaks for naps and rests, but also push a little. In Vienna, after a lovely dinner, she was tired and wanted to go back to her room, but we said we would just take her for a quick wheelchair ride to the town square to see the church and the Christmas lights. It was beautiful and crisp and she loved it.
If the trip has emotional meaning, like this trip to her homeland, expect an emotional response.
Travel disrupts everything—time, location, sights, sounds, food, people—the variety and "newness" comes at you relentlessly. This is very different from an elderly person's normal life. Respect the effect of so much change, but if you enjoy it yourself, and cast it in a positive light, you will go far to making the trip a wonderful series of memories for your aging relative.
One of the best clues we had that the trip went well was when we talked to her on the phone a few days after she returned, she was hoarse from telling people all about it.
