Holy Week, the shut-down, and {bits & pieces}
Friends, we have one more week to go in this long Lent, and an indefinite time in our Corona confinement. Pardon the long post — I have a lot to say right now, I find.
Please do not let anyone tell you that now is the time to let up on your Lenten resolutions* or “go easy on yourself.” Don’t listen to the poison of “self care” rhetoric that is thinly veiled enabling of indulgence — the surest way to misery. (“Self care” is so different from a Christian notion of rest and festivity!)
*Obviously you might have to adjust those resolutions, which is different from just giving up on penance entirely and giving in to what St. John called the flesh, “because things are hard.” Seriously, read a book about truly hard times people have gone through and still didn’t give up on their penances.
A reader was kind enough to write to me and say this:
Dear “Auntie” Leila, I wanted to thank you for the time you have poured into your blog over the years. You’ve inspired me since my oldest was a new baby (and he will be 11 in April!) in motherhood, homemaking, homeschooling and living the domestic church. In light of the current crisis, I feel like we, your readers, have been “trained” for this all along. It hasn’t come as a familial shock for us to have to pray together in the home (of course we grieve not having the Mass!) or to teach our own, or even to bake bread when there is a shortage in the store. We have been cultivating a home life that can adapt to a worldwide crisis well, it seems.
Thank you for rallying the troops, as it were, for all these years. ~ J
This message truly made my day! Someone gets my ramblings! Your humble servant has only been trying to tell you that without you, woman, wife, mother, and your competent and loving care of others — your home will have no center.
So either you’ve been preparing for this moment all along, or you are receiving a crash course. And if the latter, I get it: It’s not easy.
We are needed at home.
This truth, which we had twisted into some sort of preference, dispensable role, or even luxury, is now being forced upon our society with a vengeance by the Coronavirus and the subsequent shut-down.
I can’t help noticing that the very people (be they bloggers or bishops) who have been telling us women that we can do anything, we can do it all, we can leave the care of the home and children to others, it can all be outsourced — are the ones who are now “giving us permission” to have a melt-down and be a weak wreck.
This has always been the fatal defect of the feminist ideology, that it insists on women being both powerful and victimized. But stripped of the support of our prosperity and independence, all is being revealed. In the home, even with all its demands, we women can rest when we need to. We can’t soldier on, the way men can. At the same time, the home without our cheerful feminine determination loses its savor. Men and women are different, in fact.
When the routine (with its comforts that hide our defects from us) is disrupted, we come right up against our will. That is a grace given to us for our spiritual growth, not an excuse to grab the wine or box of cookies and hide. What is any of our life for, if not to learn to love and sacrifice for the others in our lives, even in uncertain times?
Whatever is going on, don’t waste this precious moment in self-pity.
Bu it’s so hard! I’m sure it is, but nevertheless, here we all are, being tested! And likely the people around us are the ones who need us to help them. They need us to be cheerful, not mopey and grumbly.
Practical advice
The current situation is a problem to be solved, and I’m not here speaking in any broad terms, but about my household and yours, and their many needs. Let’s tackle the issues.
A few tips from someone who isn’t particularly disciplined but who has lived for a long time with all the kids and a husband working from home (going on about 30 years now) and so on:
Agree on a schedule with your spouse and stick to it. The schedule needs to include a balance of intense physical activity (kids need to run and shout!) and rest/quiet time.
It’s not that you need to take refuge in your bedroom because you’re an introvert. A lot of togetherness is something that has to be broken up a bit. I’m as extroverted as they come, but I’ve learned that a lot of conflict can be avoided by the discipline of separation.
After lunch (which needs forethought and to be served at a certain time), everyone needs to have a nice quiet time. Two hours is not unreasonable. In the evening, figure out the balance between some postprandial activity and a real need to wind down before bed.
Get up at a certain time, take a shower, get dressed.
Get outdoor time, including working outdoors, for everyone.
If you already homeschool, you’re in a good place. If you are doing the distance learning thing, I have two things to tell you:
Stop every 30 minutes of computer time and insist on some other activity — a chore, a little outside time, a snack. Being on the computer all day is too much for a growing child. (I oppose even a little computer time for a pre-adolescent child, but at the minimum, long breaks are necessary.)
You don’t have to do it. Shut the computer and declare that you are homeschooling. My whole blog is about teaching your children yourself. Have a poke around. But mainly, know that your children will learn if they have the liturgical year, books, music, art, and the outdoors. If you decide to homeschool, it will be fine and certainly vastly superior to being stuck on the computer. I am here to help.
Make a list of things you want to do and need to learn to keep your household running and start checking them off!
Meet the challenge head on
Lent is a built-in time of penance (hopefully this isn’t a news flash for you at this point, the day before Palm Sunday!) and this Coronavirus is truly a chastisement, the proportions of which we have not yet grasped.
The antidote to whining, despair, and self-pity is to work and pray: this meditation from St. John Cassian might be perfect for what ails you. Lord, have mercy on me! Accept the need for mortification — dying to self — and ask God to help us meet it with a fighting spirit. I would have thought that we gave up wine and cookies for Lent… The Kingdom will be won by the little ones who lovingly accept God’s holy will!
Holy Week
This coming week, Holy Week, is one we need to live to its utmost, using what we have, and it will be decisive for what comes after. Let’s not waste it wallowing in our woes. Let’s start planning and hoping and helping each other.
If your church is open, but with no services, consider taking your family there very early (to avoid any possible crowd) to just sit in the Lord’s Presence, even for five or ten minutes if the littles won’t allow you more.
If your church is not open at all, then your domestic church, your home, will be your All.
If there are outdoor Stations of the Cross near you, take the fam and go! (Check the Catholic cemetery or a nearby monastery.)
Here is a lovely guide (Anglican, but very Catholic-friendly) to the coming week (don’t feel that you have to do it all, but do consider some of it). Here is a link to the Great Litany — beautiful.
Probably live-streaming is going to be part of the picture, even with times of quiet family prayer with no screens. Some links for Traditional services all over the world.
I don’t have much in the way of Holy Week–specific liturgy to offer you. Remember that Magnificat has its magazine online for free these days.
Praying the Mass (Traditional Form)Praying the Divine Liturgy (Orthodox)Praying the Divine OfficeMy advice for learning to pray the Rosary as a family.
If you have resources, please add them in the comments!
bits & pieces
A longish but intelligent essay on what it means to be a citizen, by R. J. Snell: “If we are to be agents, we must be citizens; if we are to be citizens, we must be agents. Citizen-agents do not overlook their commitment to the common good, but neither do they hand their agency over to bureaucrats or experts.”
The lifespans of musicians, in graphs.
Authorities in Malaysia stepped on some toes by telling women not to nag their husbands in lockdown. Let’s not nag each other… but what I find hilarious is the quandary provoked by ruling that only the “head of the household” could go shopping. “Make sure your phone is fully charged” is probably good advice for those men wandering the aisles…
An oral history of how the Washington Nats got started, just to fill up that baseball-shaped hole in our hearts.
from the archives
I bet your readers are gobbling all the books! Don’t forget the LMLD Library Project! Here’s a sample post: Read this, not that ~ books for your voracious reader!
Don’t be afraid of teens — it’s going to be grand. Annoying, rebellious teens are a modern construct. Your 13-year-old boy.
liturgical year
Saturday of the Fifth Week of Lent; Optional Memorial of St. Isidore, bishop and doctor.
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