A new service from Auntie Leila!

During this time of staying home, sheltering in place, and staying put, I’m happy to offer our readers a new service!

Over the years, I can’t tell you how many of you sweet readers have said to me, “I just wish you could be in my home, follow me around, and tell me what to do!” Yes, there’s Ask Auntie Leila, but the cry has gone up for more, much more, than an email from me.

Well, good news! We can make this happen! All you need is to install this webcam (affiliate link) in the major areas of your home: Kitchen, bedrooms, living room, laundry room — really, you can choose, but to get the best benefit from our time together, the more rooms the better.

For a slight upcharge, you can wear this bodycam and I can follow you everywhere and be better able to tell you exactly what to do with your life!

I am offering to a select group of lucky readers the fabulous opportunity to have moi, Auntie Leila, follow you, virtually, all around your home! I will be able to see everything that you see and tell you just what to do!

This service will enable me to:

“be there” early in the morning to help you get up and take a shower!



see how you prepare your meals, do your laundry, and clean your house! We can bake bread “together” — I can look over your shoulder and critique your technique! I can sit at your dinner table with you (virtually!) and help you have meaningful conversations with your family!



monitor you and your family in your devotions! Ever wonder exactly how to set up your Little Oratory and pray together as a family? Good news! I can be there (virtually!) and do it with you so that you do it right.



look over your kids’ school work to be sure they are excelling! I’m happy to take over “principal” duties for the time we are together!



troubleshoot vacuum cleaner problems and identify stains! The Reasonably Clean House was never so doable!

Never make a mistake again disciplining your children, calculating unit prices, or separating your lights from your darks — Auntie Leila will be there to tell you what to do.

Kids having trouble with math? Auntie Leila will give you confidential, discreet, real time advice on straightening them out.

And all in complete conformity with local and federal COVID19 quarantining guidelines!*

*this service is CDC and FDA compliant — no endorsement by these agencies is implied

There are two plans**:

I can follow you all the time, checking in at random points for up to an hour a day forever — just send $50,000 to my account (email for details). I call this the “Lifetime Golden LMLD Plan.”



Or sign up by the week of intensive Auntie time — just send $5,000 per week and we’ll set up a 24/7 monitoring session that will get you up and independent in no time. I call this the “Kick in the Pants Plan.”



The upcharge for the bodycam service (“I’ve Got You Covered Add-On”) is a flat $15,000 fee.

Obviously I can provide this service only for a lucky, special few — so sign up NOW! Don’t delay! From what I can tell in my travels, this offer is going to go fast! This offer will be limited and once spots are gone, they’re gone!

**I understand — of course! I’m Auntie Leila! I totally get poverty! — that you might not be able to afford this amazing deal on one income and a possible total shutdown of your visible means of support.

Therefore, we are offering “The Budget Plan” — you won’t get me streamed directly into your home, but you will get Rosie, Sukie, Deirdre, or Bridget, depending on your resources. This plan includes four days, 8 hours per day, or a year with two of them switching out, $1,599.99.



If you are really poor, we’ll connect you with one of the boys. For $89.99, they will send you an informative TikTok*** on the best method for waxing a floor using the least effort.

*** I don’t actually know what a TikTok is, I might mean YouTube

For $19.99 we will set up any number of grandkids to ping you randomly with a helpful “That’s not how MY mom does it!”



If you don’t care about catching the virus [JK everyone cares, what kind of monsters do you think we are], we will send a couple of toddler boys over to baby-proof your house. “Ah, that was too fragile” – -A Satisfied Customer from BC19****

****Before Covid 19 obviously

MWAH! Love you!

Happy April Fool!

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