Famous Last Words, Reconsidered

This is an interesting time to examine last words. The final shit you will say on this Earth… I was thinking about this all morning and I came up with four words that fit every scenario. “Either the drapes go or I do,” Oscar Wilde’s last words (what a cool dude), set the bar pretty high.

‘I fucked your mom.’ Think about before you freak out, dear reader, or panty pogo out into the wussrod high plains of better than thou. It works, at least for me, and if you read on you’ll realize it probably works for you.

Scene One, The Unlikely Hospital Bed- in this unfortunate scenario, I’d be surrounded by my wife and still hypothetical children. The kids would think it was funny, Sylvia would smile because I was thinking of her. Bam. Rockin’ good landing.

Scene Two, The Gun Battle With Crooked Cops In A Brazilian Whorehouse- I mean, totally works here too!

Scene Three, Car Wreck- what an insane thing to say to an EMT. One last story for him or her. ‘Guy looked right at me and said he fucked my mom. I mean, sweet Jesus.’

Scene Four, Swordfight- Douchebag says ‘En garde’ and I hit him with ‘I fucked your mom.’ Bingo in Toledo, baby.

And on and on. I can’t think of a single death where ‘I Fucked You Mom’ wouldn’t work. If you can think of one, dear reader, don’t tell me.