For Such a Time as This
A
few weeks ago, a good friend of ours texted both Lisa and me to ask what was
going on. She had had a terrifying dream about us the night before. “You and
Lisa were in this tall tower,” she explained, “and this red plane was headed
straight for you. I could see both you and Lisa overcome with sorrow and the
plane was aimed right at you to finally take you out, but we couldn’t find a
way to get into the tower to help you. I spent most of the night praying for
you two. I couldn’t stop crying.”
God
had “outed” our pain, so to speak, so we shared the details with her. When I later
explained all that was going on in our lives to a counselor (I hadn’t been to
one in over twenty-five years) and then sheepishly told him about our friend’s
dream, he paused and said, “Uh, do you guys have anyone who can pray for you
regularly? Because I don’t think that dream is too far off.”
Because
the situations (there are multiple) don’t involve just us, Lisa and I don’t
feel free to share the details widely. But we have certainly felt targeted from
just about every angle we can imagine and since I began meeting with that
counselor, an entirely new front has opened up so apparently the “red
plane” hasn’t run out of fuel yet (and prayers of protection and conquering for
our entire family would be most welcome, as God leads).
Perhaps
that’s why I was primed to be enthralled when a publisher sent me an amazing
book of devotions to preview: Jeff and Sarah Walton’s Together Through the
Storms.
We
all know the biblical Esther was made queen “for such a time as this.” I
believe God can also use books for such a time as this, and in the
extraordinary turn of events our world has seen in the past month, I can’t
imagine a more appropriate, helpful and encouraging book for marriages than this
one. I believe God inspired it and prepared it just in time, as I am sure many
couples, now more than ever, are facing multiple challenges and “red plane”
attacks of their own.
Here’s
the beginning of their story (and their book):
W
e remember it like it was yesterday. The sun
was shining, everyone was smiling, and, other than the fact that the DJ played
the wrong song for our first dance (which we eventually laughed about), it was
as close to a perfect day as it’s possible to be. I was twenty-three. She was
twenty. Sarah and I were young, we were in love, we were excited, and we were
ready (or so we thought) to embark on a life together.
We didn’t expect life to be
perfect, of course—but we naturally assumed our marriage would be filled with
more of the “better” than the “worse.” So with stars in our eyes and big dreams
for what the future would hold, we confidently vowed:
“
I take you … to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for
worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, for as long as we
both shall live.”
That was nearly sixteen
years ago. Little did we know that those years would bring chronic illness,
financial loss, job loss, special needs, suffering children, overwhelming
stress, and the marital strain that accompanies each. We never imagined that
we’d experience so much of the “worse,” “poorer,” and “in sickness” parts of
our vows.
The Waltons’ marriage barely got a chance to breathe before they faced a monumental challenge. What is often a very happy time for couples became terrifying for them:
Less than three years into our marriage,
we excitedly welcomed our first child into the world. All was going well until
he spiked a fever and was hospitalized with a severe infection at seven weeks
old. After five days in the hospital with terrifying, inconclusive reports, we
were sent home without answers. We thought it was an isolated incident, but
over time it turned into years of life-altering neurological challenges that
have forever changed our family’s lives. Every day, we helplessly watched as
our sweet, smart, funny little boy would turn into someone else, displaying
behavior that was extremely difficult to control and navigate. Countless
consultations, tests, and evaluations left doctors shaking their heads, and all
we were left with in the end was an increased financial burden, a stressful
home life, and growing fears for him and us.
This wasn’t just a tough challenge, it became a long-term challenge and might even turn into a lifelong challenge, depending on God’s healing mercy. But in many ways the Waltons had just begun their season of storms:
Along with that, Sarah’s health was rapidly declining, and with each of our four children that she bore, she was increasingly unable to function through her own chronic pain and illness. On top of that, an ankle injury that she sustained in high school has now led to five surgeries and an inability to do much of what she loves anymore.
As
our son’s disorder continued to intensify, and as Sarah grew sicker and our
younger children began to exhibit their own chronic pains, my job as a
consultant to orthopedic surgeons often kept me from being home. Our marriage
began to suffer under the weight of it all.
Eventually, doctors were
able to pinpoint the myriad symptoms of Sarah’s (and several children’s)
maladies to Lyme disease, but they weren’t able to offer any clear consensus on
what to do in order to treat the neurological and physical ailments. Reading
this story, I could imagine the checks flying out the mailbox and the bank
account depleting as they sought to do their best to overcome a tricky and
nefarious disease.
Unfortunately, even more bad
news was ahead:
When we were at our lowest point, convinced that we couldn’t
endure anything else, it became clear that I could no longer sustain my on-call
job. So I left it behind, along with half of our income. We sold our dream home
and downsized to a smaller rental home. A year later, my new company began to
struggle and suddenly I was without a job—leaving us with no income at all.
Our family was in crisis.
Most of our time spent together as a couple consisted of doctor appointments,
navigating challenges with our son, soothing crying and hurting children,
discussing what treatments we could afford, healing from each of the nine
surgeries undergone between the two of us, dealing with Sarah’s chronic pain,
and stressing about our draining finances, all the while being too exhausted to
address the tensions
that were building within our marriage. We were both broken and both wondering
where God was and why he was allowing such deep and layered suffering. As we
endured one loss after another, we found ourselves battling despair and hopelessness, and being confronted with deep
questions of faith that neither of us had faced before. We were surviving, but
we—and our marriage—were hanging on by a thread.
But
we’re still here. Still together. And, somehow, stronger for it all.
If ever a couple had “street
cred” to write about pain and its impact on marriage, the Waltons do. What
amazed me about the book though was the faith and inspiration that breathes off
every page. While avoiding easy answers and sentimentality, the Waltons have
found hope, healing, and strength to persevere in their faith in God and the
rich treasure trove of truths found in Scripture.
In this time of trial for so many marriages, Together Through
the Storms can be a life preserver for marriages going through similar
trials. You’ll still have to learn how to swim (or at least paddle) in the
midst of your trials, but the truths discussed in this book will keep you from
drowning in sorrow, doubt, and despair (natural temptations all). Unfortunately,
the book isn’t available until May 1, but pre-sales are crucial for any new
book and I’m hoping this one finds an enthusiastic response. Christian Book
Distributors, Barnes and Noble, Amazon—anywhere you normally order books, you
can pre-order Together Through the Storms.
I’ll end this blog post by quoting Jeff (chapters are written from
both the husband’s and wife’s perspectives, and both Jeff and Sarah are
excellent writers) and urging you to take advantage of a book that I truly
believe was written and is being published “for such a time as this”:
We’re writing in the trenches, right there beside you, not from
the mountaintop. But we have written these pages as a testimony to the faithfulness,
goodness, and sustaining grace of Jesus. He has been and continues to be our
help, strength, song, and salvation.
So this is a book about marriage, but it’s very different than
most books on marriage. It’s for the storms—to prepare you for them in the
future, or to help you navigate them in the present, or to help you deal with the
aftermath of what you’ve just come through. We hope to encourage you by
acknowledging many (though certainly not all) of the challenges that we can
face when storms come into and against our marriage. That’s not because we’ve
navigated our storms and safely reached the other side, but because Jesus
Christ has been faithful to strengthen us, carry us, and change us and our
marriage as we continue to weather them together.
Every marriage begins in the sun; every marriage must pass through storms. For you, maybe those storms have brewed within your marriage—from rubbing up against each other’s weaknesses, differences, and sins—perhaps from the pain of infidelity, addiction, hurtful patterns of sin, or an unbelieving spouse. Or maybe for you it’s been the storms of circumstances around your marriage: the experience of excitement over starting or growing a family becoming a deeply painful struggle with infertility, loss of a child, or special needs; or living with chronic illness, a life-altering injury, something that was done to you in the past, financial loss, tensions in your extended family, or a rebellious child.
Whatever your storms have been, or will be, these trials will inevitably cause you to wrestle with difficult and complex questions of faith—and they will either drive you closer together or further apart. It’s where and to whom we turn to for the strength and hope that we need to endure the storms that will make all the difference.
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