Reasons Why I Won't Date You – You Don't Have A Zombie Plan

If any of you follow me on twitter, you know that I'm a wee bit obsessed with all things zombie. They creep me out and I love them above all other monsters. So no one should be surprised that I talk about zombies—a lot. Specifically zombie plans.

Confession:  I use the possession of a zombie plan as an indication of if we can hang out for any length of time. All of my good friends have pretty decent plans…which is MY zombie plan—surround myself with people who have sweet survival skills and love me enough to scoop me up when all hell breaks loose and the dead are roaming around, looking for a Katee-sandwich. Because, let's be honest, I have no survival skills. I can barely go camping because I tend to wander off and get lost, or fall down, or run into wildlife that are less than impressed with my existence. It's a tragedy, really.

So how does this tie in with dating? It's one of the things I ask a guy on a first date. If he gives me deer-in-headlights when I come at him with "What's your zombie plan?" then I know we'll never work out. Seriously, if you're not bringing sweet survival skills to the table, then we're both dead in the water. A friend once told me that he has a list of Reasons Why I Won't Date You. It was rather entertaining and random, but this is pretty much the only thing on mine. You don't have a zombie plan? Sorry, kid, it's just not going to work out.

THIS, darlings, is why I love rednecks. They typically have multiple guns and misc. weapons tucked away and, depending on what part of the country you're in, they have a specialized set of skills that are really freaking useful. And most of them don't blink at zombie-related questions, which is always a plus.

What about you? Do you have a zombie plan? Better yet, does your significant other have one?