The WTHDIJW Award Goes To …

Yooooooo … what’s sizzling? The Slightly Anti-Social Socialite here with a first from the Cave.

Before I talk about this “first”, I did a bit of decorating. Well, actually the Publishing House did and I’m happier than a person who gets the freshest batch of McDonald’s French fries at the peak of lunchtime.

New banner … check

In all places … check

Okay, now for this 1st business.

It’s rare that I see something that renders me speechless. But … I was clicking through the channels, attempting to find entertainment that could match the tempo of my popcorn chewing.

What can I say? Popcorn is one of my addictions. There could be worse things, like crystal meth.

I stopped on this image.

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A few thoughts popped in my mind:

Why does she have a flower crown on her head?
Why does she look like she’s in the midst of a bowel movement?
Why is her face so hairy?
Is Midsommar another way of spelling midsummer?
Why is this rated as a horror movie?

Due to question #5, I decided to hit play. Even with reading the summary of the movie’s contents, I still wasn’t convinced. Also, I’m branching out, attempting to watch movies I’ve never seen as opposed to sticking to the tried and true classics which I love.

But … I may live to regret all of this mad scientist shyt.

This movie wins so many awards for me. Not the typical trophies either.

(1) Random Black Man Thrown In A Movie Award

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Okay, so not only is he a random black man thrown in Midsommar; he is the only black man in Midsommar. Yes, they decided to fake give him purpose … the whole wanting to do research for his thesis … but that premise went down the toilet. Why? Because it was given to the begging white dude that rarely paid attention to the girlfriend he didn’t want to be with in the first place.

(I did that in the Reinfield talking shit to Dracula voice in Bram Stoker’s Dracula … not the best Dracula movie out there, but better than some I’ve seen.)

Black man, don’t you know that being in a spot surrounded by white people, no matter what country or culture is DANGER. I’m a pale white woman and know that.

You’re such a waste in this movie. Damn shame how it went down. Whatever you got paid for the role, it wasn’t enough.

(2) I Don’t Give A Damn About None Of You Award

Nope, not even the black man. He had NO BUSINESS traveling out there with all of those white people.

(3) The Most Annoying Music Ever Award

It’s not even cool “someone’s about to get killed music”. It’s boring, drawn-out, and stuffy. The stuff avant-garde pictures are made of. I don’t want avant-garde being mixed with horror … no way and no how. Speaking of avant-garde …

(4) Most Avant-Garde Fail

If you are going to experiment with horror, know what you are doing. Horror isn’t supposed to be pretty, artsy, or phucking cute. It’s supposed to be ugly, terrifying, and gory. How the hell can you make “ritualistic contribution” (aka still suicide) beautiful? Sorry … it’s not a thing. Heaven’s Gate behavior as art … not a thing.

(5) Most Skittish Weepiest Pussy On The Planet

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How many times must this female cry? Apparently, every ten minutes. No, I didn’t exactly time the crying segments, but that’s what it felt like in this long (unnecessarily drawn out) movie. Most of the time she was pouting, moody, weepy … everything except happy until close to the end where she looked damn near smug. There are not enough drugs on earth to make me buy that these experiences which don’t look connected at all were enough to shape her into this powerful representation of this weird-ass cult.

This leads me to the final award …

(6) What The Hell Did I Just Watch?

This is the saddest excuse of a horror movie I just saw. Midsommar is a mass of confusion. To me, it’s an identity crisis. It’s too beautiful to be horror … it’s a pretty film with shock value here and there. This may work for the vanilla crowd out there, but for a hardened veteran such as myself, I’d rather torture myself with the worst installment of the Saw movies than to see this aberration again.

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