The ripple effect of wise speech
Last year, I attended a workshop led by Donald Rothberg about cultivating wise speech. A meditation teacher for over 35 years, Rothberg’s communication style was an embodiment of the lessons he shared.
At its core, wise speech is about practicing this vow from Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh:
“Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I vow to cultivate loving speech and deep listening….”
Rothberg shared many insights and practical strategies, including the Four Guidelines for Wise Speech, which have since become a habit (as well as sticky notes posted on the wall above my work computer). They are as follows:
1. Truthfulness
2. Helpfulness
3. Kindness
4. Clear Intention (including good timing, appropriateness, non-distractedness)
The key here is more about consistent practice than discovering your take on the word-level meanings (although that is important).
Many of my work calls take place via computer-to-computer video conversations. Right before each call, I take a few deep breaths and then spend 10-20 seconds internalizing each guideline.
As seemingly insignificant as that sounds, this time allows me to check-in with how I’m feeling—a critical first step to ensuring that my inner suffering (such as unrelated negativity or frustration, for example) doesn’t manifest in some form that causes suffering for the recipient. Wise speech is all about entering into conversations with our best and most authentic intention—which demands feeling our feelings, not faking kindness.
Herein lies part of the ripple effect: I didn’t realize how good the practice of wise speech would make me feel as it’s happening. Before developing this practice, I thought wise speech was mostly a way to improve the life of the recipient.
The ripple continues from there, as my now outwardly projected inner sense of awareness and well-being is absorbed by the recipient who then (as I’ve been told now on several occasions) extends that energy into their next interaction.
It’s a glimpse into what Thich Nhat Hanh refers to as interbeing, a concept describing our interconnectedness. In this case, however, the concept is made small enough to feel real, and practicing it only takes a few minutes each day.
At its core, wise speech is about practicing this vow from Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh:
“Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I vow to cultivate loving speech and deep listening….”
Rothberg shared many insights and practical strategies, including the Four Guidelines for Wise Speech, which have since become a habit (as well as sticky notes posted on the wall above my work computer). They are as follows:
1. Truthfulness
2. Helpfulness
3. Kindness
4. Clear Intention (including good timing, appropriateness, non-distractedness)
The key here is more about consistent practice than discovering your take on the word-level meanings (although that is important).
Many of my work calls take place via computer-to-computer video conversations. Right before each call, I take a few deep breaths and then spend 10-20 seconds internalizing each guideline.
As seemingly insignificant as that sounds, this time allows me to check-in with how I’m feeling—a critical first step to ensuring that my inner suffering (such as unrelated negativity or frustration, for example) doesn’t manifest in some form that causes suffering for the recipient. Wise speech is all about entering into conversations with our best and most authentic intention—which demands feeling our feelings, not faking kindness.
Herein lies part of the ripple effect: I didn’t realize how good the practice of wise speech would make me feel as it’s happening. Before developing this practice, I thought wise speech was mostly a way to improve the life of the recipient.
The ripple continues from there, as my now outwardly projected inner sense of awareness and well-being is absorbed by the recipient who then (as I’ve been told now on several occasions) extends that energy into their next interaction.
It’s a glimpse into what Thich Nhat Hanh refers to as interbeing, a concept describing our interconnectedness. In this case, however, the concept is made small enough to feel real, and practicing it only takes a few minutes each day.
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