Transforming the second arrow
In Buddhist literature, the second arrow refers to the controllable negative states of mind that can arise due to the suffering caused by the more or less uncontrollable first arrow.
We've all been caught in the throes of the second arrow. Here are a few personal examples. Try to plug relatable details of your stories into mine.
As the featured speaker at an event about masculinity, I made a thoughtless statement that both hurt me immediately after I said it and landed badly with the crowd. I knew better, but the words were now out in the world. There was no going back. That was the first arrow.
The second arrow followed swiftly after that in the form of my mind judging my performance as I was performing. Rather than having the presence of mind to acknowledge the mistake publicly and confidently move on, I became trapped in my inner world—at once trying to deliver a riveting speech while fending off a constant internal voice belittling my performance.
It was the second arrow, not the first, that rattled me into ultimately underdelivering for my audience.
The second arrow also struck when I lost my third mixed martial arts fight. The first arrow, for me, was the loss. I had trained for years and felt the sting of defeat.
The second arrow lasted for months as I harshly blamed myself for letting down so many people who had supported me. As with the speaking example, rather than feeling the initial sting of the loss and then pivoting to see it as a learning opportunity and as a chance to show gratitude to my supporters, I turned inward and sunk into a depression as the second arrow of blame and regret grew deeper.
If you think about it, there have likely been times in your life when a significant portion of your inner voice was the language of the second arrow. Over time, through meditation and other contemplative practices, we can build a self-awareness strong enough to recognize the second arrow as it's hurtling toward us.
The end goal, however, isn't to mask the second arrow or dwell in our self-awareness; it's to nurture our self-awareness so we can move from recognizing the second arrow mid-flight to positively transforming what it becomes.
We've all been caught in the throes of the second arrow. Here are a few personal examples. Try to plug relatable details of your stories into mine.
As the featured speaker at an event about masculinity, I made a thoughtless statement that both hurt me immediately after I said it and landed badly with the crowd. I knew better, but the words were now out in the world. There was no going back. That was the first arrow.
The second arrow followed swiftly after that in the form of my mind judging my performance as I was performing. Rather than having the presence of mind to acknowledge the mistake publicly and confidently move on, I became trapped in my inner world—at once trying to deliver a riveting speech while fending off a constant internal voice belittling my performance.
It was the second arrow, not the first, that rattled me into ultimately underdelivering for my audience.
The second arrow also struck when I lost my third mixed martial arts fight. The first arrow, for me, was the loss. I had trained for years and felt the sting of defeat.
The second arrow lasted for months as I harshly blamed myself for letting down so many people who had supported me. As with the speaking example, rather than feeling the initial sting of the loss and then pivoting to see it as a learning opportunity and as a chance to show gratitude to my supporters, I turned inward and sunk into a depression as the second arrow of blame and regret grew deeper.
If you think about it, there have likely been times in your life when a significant portion of your inner voice was the language of the second arrow. Over time, through meditation and other contemplative practices, we can build a self-awareness strong enough to recognize the second arrow as it's hurtling toward us.
The end goal, however, isn't to mask the second arrow or dwell in our self-awareness; it's to nurture our self-awareness so we can move from recognizing the second arrow mid-flight to positively transforming what it becomes.
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