taking up space

Light-skinned mixed-race women take up a lot of space. So I would like to share my new head shots on Facebook but already this morning I got into an awkward situation with a well-intentioned friend who remarked that she had never seen a bad photo of me. I countered that that doesn’t mean I don’t take bad photos—everyone does! But I choose not to post them on social media. We try to look our best online, right? And I scheduled this shoot with Bianca Cordova because my last head shot was a selfie that I took three years ago; I was younger, thinner, and more tanned because it was summertime. I’ve got some white hairs now and some wrinkling around the eyes; I’ve got sun spots and crinkly skin on my neck but that doesn’t negate the fact that I’m still what is considered conventionally pretty. I know that how I move through the world is shaped by colorism and lookism and ableism; I’ve written about light-skinned privilege and mulattas taking up a disproportionate amount of space in popular culture, but I am a writer and I need to manage my image. It bothers me when people pull old images of me off the internet; they generally don’t credit the photographer or ask if it’s okay to use that photograph on a flier. I think most authors put their preferred photo on their website so if you need a picture and can’t reach the author, I’d suggest you start there. I’m going to put my favorite photos from the shoot here and then I can send the link to select friends. I’m not fishing for compliments and I don’t have a confidence problem; I know what I look like and how my appearance situates me in society. If you care to leave a comment, I’d really like to know which two images are best for professional use—I want one where I’m smiling (for kid-related events) and I want one where I’m more serious. The photographer felt my eyes looked sad when I wasn’t smiling so most of the shots have me wearing a big grin but I do have a few serious options.

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