Medium sized thoughts

*Post written in a semi-lethargic mood, so please forgive shorthand if bits are hard to follow

I’ve been putting off writing a new post, because sometimes here, in my own little corner of the world, it feels like I’m talking to myself.

I still write for myself, in small bits and pieces in diaries I keep, and there’s a very calming, repetitive effect of handwriting that’s quite therapeutic for the whole thing.

What am I posting here for? To reiterate, that hopefully that you, the invisible reader, takes some solace from my own experiences, perhaps identify with it.

To keep in view, an idea of accounting for shame- because some days I want to just lie back in the most slouchy, last reclining version possible and watch 10 YouTube clips of Simpson’s that I’ve already watched and don’t even laugh at. The bizarre thing is that with Seinfeld clips I have this inkling of watching them, and there’s a part of my brain that’s fascinated with the episodic structures and all- digressing a bit here. But the thing is, I’ll fully admit it to myself in my journals that these things happen. So much nothing. But admitting it here, in a semi public space? A bit more difficult. But does it give solace to anyone? I’f it does, for you, maybe it’s worth it, maybe it makes sense to.

* I remember listening to a poet tell her poems, and talk in between, and being fascinated by her talk preamble and feeling nothing for her poetry. It made me think of what’s we disclose, what we feel it’s interesting to others: and ironically, sometimes it’s the opposite way round.

Sometimes the most powerful things I feel, like for example, the pleasure of schadenfreude, is difficult to admit, and I realized it doesn’t really occur for me to write about these things that I’m aware of. Thinking about what radical honesty means, the ethics of judging people quietly, which is a reflex that I struggle with. Something to mull over.

The disjunct between the eastern reflex of being vs the western need for productivity, to always be moving, always be doing something, maybe reconciled a little bit by being in nature?

One thing I’ve been enjoying is looking at wildlife, birds specifically, inspired by Jenny Odell’s article on how to do nothing. Perhaps a salve against the mundane is to examine things outside of what we normally look at, for example, the history of architecture.

-I spent most of my childhood indoors, taking part in various bits of Internet subculture, and for years, there were aspects of the world that I only briefly payed attention to. Much of it was serendipitous, like how my love for photography was inspired by my dad buying a camera, and by extension, looking at photos of the world and wanting to take photos is what interests me in travel.