Why (and When) It’s a Good Idea to Ask for Help
Sometimes life’s problems seem unsolvable.
It may seem like this when you’re just too harried to think straight. Or when you feel clueless about where to even begin. This is when a bit of humility can serve you well. For not only is it safe to ask for help … it’s usually a good idea.
There are, of course, caveats to this. You want to seek help from a trustworthy source, and you want to elicit the help you actually need. But before we get to all of that, let’s go over the basics.
You don’t have to do it alone. Remember the Mary Oliver poem about crawling through the desert on your knees? This is what she was talking about. You, too, deserve support … even if you are a Superwoman. (I’d say especially if you are a Superwoman.)
You’re not good at everything. You’re just not. No one is. For me, this means I need help in the following areas: financial management, social media, my wireless network, anything requiring a screwdriver or a hammer, my car, my lingering allergies, some buried fears, tinkering with my blog, my tense shoulders, and my occasional insomnia. The list goes on and on. Once you decide to elicit help, not only does that part of your life improve, your entire life does, as well. Try it and see.
Such help need to not be paid. Friends, neighbors, family members, support group pals, interns and online mentors can be helpers, too.
Emotional support is okay, too. Sometimes we think the only type of support we really need is technical, health, or automotive. Yet, what about our feelings? Our emotional life may have churned along in the background for so long we can’t even see if there’s trouble there. We’re just aware of a dull ache somewhere. That’s when it’s a great idea to sort through things with a therapist, spiritual advisor, or even a life coach.
Group support gives you an extra boost. I love support groups, though frankly, I used to hate them. But then Teal died, the bottom dropped out, and I realized I needed all kinds of help. Since then I found my way into recovery groups, spiritual groups, yoga groups, meditation groups, business networking groups, and even a group for grieving parents. Support groups give you two things –- a place to share your story, and a way to hear everyone else’s. Then you realize you’re not alone, and you can pick up valuable tips and resources. You may also befriend people traveling the same path, which is beyond precious. Groups bring community, and community is just plain essential.
Added support keeps you accountable. If you need support sticking with something difficult like a weight loss or addiction recovery, it really helps to have a group or a trainer/coach/therapist or even an action buddy to check in with. Then you have to show up and share your progress each week. You have a place to talk about or even email your challenges. So you build a team around you that is heading in the same, healthy direction. The sweet reality of accountability keeps you grounded in your work … and that’s a great
A final note: if you’re a person who hates to ask for help, take heart. Asking for help does not in any way mean you are weak, unstable, or ‘a loser’. What it means is that you have the wisdom to know you can’t do life alone, and therefore you will automatically up your game on all levels once you get more support.
Asking for help actually means you’re strong and brave.
“Don’t be afraid to ask for something if you don’t know what to do. You are capable.”
– Teal’s journal, September 12, 2011
From Suzanne’s book, The Extremely Busy Woman’s Guide to Self-Care
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