Triggers of Thanksgiving Day

For me, Thanksgiving Day is one big trigger after another. Although I am 12 years removed from my abuser, I know memories from my abusive Thanksgivings from the past will sneak into my mind to distract me. By the end of the day, so many painful memories will overrun my coping skills. I’ll end up emotionally drained and ready to end the day until next year. 
Why Thanksgiving Day? I believe one of the main reasons is because we usually spent it with my in-laws, which meant I had to fake being happy even more than normal.  The mask I wore during the abuse caused me so much internal conflict: 
Why couldn’t anyone see how he’s treating me? 
Why couldn’t someone speak up and insist he get his own plate of food versus yelling from the couch telling me what to bring him?
Didn’t it look awkward that he was the only male family member being served by his wife?
Additionally, the charming, so fatherly, so dad of the year nominee personality my abuser put on hurt me so bad. I remember the dad’s and little boys/cousins playing ball outside; the children laughing, soaking in the rare moments of their dad interaction with them other than watching television. Early on, it provided me hope that the great guy I married was coming back. Years later, it provided pain that the person I married wasn’t the person I thought he was. I can’t imagine the confusion this caused my children.
There are so many Thanksgiving Days, they roll into one memory at times. Take one piece from each Thanksgiving Day during a 20+ year abusive timeframe and it becomes a minimum of 20 painful triggers attacking me throughout the day. Often the years of triggers transcending on me become suffocating and inescapable. 
In the past, the greatest thing I am thankful for at the end of Thanksgiving is that I got through the day. Praying this year my coping skills will be stronger and more alert so I can more appreciative of the things I truly have to be thankful for.