Lie: I Can't Do What God is Asking Me to Do
My journey from domestic violence victim to survivor is filled with example after example of God leading me to take the next step towards being freed from the horrors of my past. 
The examples are all different but my reaction is almost always the same. When God says it is time to start the next painful step of my recovery, my human mind doesn’t believe I am able. Hundreds of times over the past half dozen years I have emphatically told God: I can’t do what you are asking me to do. Some of the earlier times my cries included tears, whaling arms, total defiance, disbelief, and a position of nope, not going to do that. I remember incidences where I start making deals, adjusting His guidance to better suit my understanding of the situation, or like a pouty child being put in a time out, I just made every excuse in the book why I was right and God’s guidance was wrong.
Obviously, God knew me better than I knew myself. He knew when it was time to nudge me to take the next step in freeing myself from the abuse. What was holding me back was the painful lie: I can’t do what God is asking me to do. I couldn’t take the steps towards freeing myself from the bondage of my abuse mostly because I wasn’t strong enough. I didn’t deserve to be free. With such weak self-worth, I just didn’t believe I could do these challenging tasks.
It’s been about six years since I’ve honestly opened up about my abuse and started what I believe to be my transformation from victim to survivor. In these years, I have learned that:
If it is God’s will, He will open doors. For me, the doors He opened were opened by people, church sermons, and ever so slight whispers in my heart.God’s timeline is so much slower than my time line. Often God’s time line was so slow I thought it was nonexistent. Maybe God forgot? Maybe I misunderstood were questions early on that bounced around my thoughts. Yet, what I’ve learned is during those painfully long, quiet times God was working on other parts of my journey that I couldn’t see quite yet.I went down a lot of rabbit holes in my journey to do what the quiet voice was asking me to do. Sometimes I went left when I was supposed to go right. Often times my walk took me miles away from the task at hand; but, along the way I learned so much that I now realize the curves and twists in my journey were helpful and taught me what I needed in order to complete the task. While the detours caused me anxiety and despair, I was later able to see the value in them.If I took a wrong step, I didn’t have to be fearful that I missed the mark. God never abandoned me for taking a wrong step. If I got off course, He nudged me back onto His path and my steps continued. Knowing that He would guide me if I went astray took a lot of self-induced pressure off me worrying if I missed doing something.
I can honestly say I am emotionally and spiritually stronger because I’ve tried to do what God has asked me to do. With year of practice and increased strength, God’s current requests for me to do something don’t set in an alarm of panic anymore. There are still things He asks me to do that I don’t particularly want to do, but my response is now encouraged with the inquisitive thoughts of I wonder what I will learn this time…
Blessings to all,
Sue
The examples are all different but my reaction is almost always the same. When God says it is time to start the next painful step of my recovery, my human mind doesn’t believe I am able. Hundreds of times over the past half dozen years I have emphatically told God: I can’t do what you are asking me to do. Some of the earlier times my cries included tears, whaling arms, total defiance, disbelief, and a position of nope, not going to do that. I remember incidences where I start making deals, adjusting His guidance to better suit my understanding of the situation, or like a pouty child being put in a time out, I just made every excuse in the book why I was right and God’s guidance was wrong.Obviously, God knew me better than I knew myself. He knew when it was time to nudge me to take the next step in freeing myself from the abuse. What was holding me back was the painful lie: I can’t do what God is asking me to do. I couldn’t take the steps towards freeing myself from the bondage of my abuse mostly because I wasn’t strong enough. I didn’t deserve to be free. With such weak self-worth, I just didn’t believe I could do these challenging tasks.
It’s been about six years since I’ve honestly opened up about my abuse and started what I believe to be my transformation from victim to survivor. In these years, I have learned that:
If it is God’s will, He will open doors. For me, the doors He opened were opened by people, church sermons, and ever so slight whispers in my heart.God’s timeline is so much slower than my time line. Often God’s time line was so slow I thought it was nonexistent. Maybe God forgot? Maybe I misunderstood were questions early on that bounced around my thoughts. Yet, what I’ve learned is during those painfully long, quiet times God was working on other parts of my journey that I couldn’t see quite yet.I went down a lot of rabbit holes in my journey to do what the quiet voice was asking me to do. Sometimes I went left when I was supposed to go right. Often times my walk took me miles away from the task at hand; but, along the way I learned so much that I now realize the curves and twists in my journey were helpful and taught me what I needed in order to complete the task. While the detours caused me anxiety and despair, I was later able to see the value in them.If I took a wrong step, I didn’t have to be fearful that I missed the mark. God never abandoned me for taking a wrong step. If I got off course, He nudged me back onto His path and my steps continued. Knowing that He would guide me if I went astray took a lot of self-induced pressure off me worrying if I missed doing something.
I can honestly say I am emotionally and spiritually stronger because I’ve tried to do what God has asked me to do. With year of practice and increased strength, God’s current requests for me to do something don’t set in an alarm of panic anymore. There are still things He asks me to do that I don’t particularly want to do, but my response is now encouraged with the inquisitive thoughts of I wonder what I will learn this time…
Blessings to all,
Sue
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