Unexpected Trigger

Even though last Wednesday was emotionally ruined, I focused hard on pulling my coping strategies into practice so to minimize the number of days I was going to be saddened by this triggering memory.
Here are some steps I practiced:
I allowed myself time to remember the event. I didn’t push the thoughts aside; I calmly remembered them (my mood for the day was already gloom)
In remembering, I focused on my current surroundings; safer, brighter, away from my abuser. Knowing I am now physically safe chipped away at the power of the trigger.
Reliving his 15-minute rant, I choose two specific phrases that stung the most. Just two; because if I combatted his stupidity by identifying the lies he was speaking, then two was enough for me to conclude (in my own mind) everything else he was saying was also not true. I allowed myself to only need a shadow of a doubt to press forward.
I took these two things my abuser was blaming on me and placed ownership where it actually belonged; with him. It wasn’t my fault such-n-such happened, and it wasn’t my fault such-n-such didn’t happen. It was my abuser’s fault, and I realized he was trying to blame me for things he wasn’t happy about.
After walking myself through these steps, I came to the realization that my abuser wasn’t blaming me because what he was ranting about was my fault; he was blaming me because he was too weak to acknowledge his weaknesses.
I woke up on Thursday feeling much better. Yes, it was yuck that a trigger set in and got the best of me. But, by feeling the memory and processing it in a healthier manner, I was able to put the memory back yet in a safer, healthier place. By coincidence, the same medical procedure is occurring again today. Twice in one week! Yet today, I am not feeling triggered at all. My deliberate processing of the trigger worked!
I totally realize the processing of our triggers is a lifelong challenge. I hope my situation provides hope that over time, the effects of our triggers can be minimized.
Blessings to all,
Sue

Published on October 31, 2019 08:37
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