A True (Humorous) Look at the Writing Process
I wish that the process of writing a book was as serene, latte-filled, and creatively delightful as it seems like it should be! I’m pulling back the curtain today, reader friends, and giving you a glimpse at what’s truly happening in a writer’s mind and heart during the four stages of the process.
Stage 1: Pre-writing
“A new story! It’s so shiny. So sparkly.” “I love these characters!” “I have SO MANY ideas!” “This book’s going to be awesome.” “This hero is hunky!” “The possibilities are limitless!”
later… “Oh, dear. The possibilities really are limitless.
later… “How am I supposed to narrow down these possibilities?” “Jesus take the wheel!”
Stage 2: Writing the First Draft
“I found a great first line and I can’t stop thinking about this story! My fingers are flying across the keyboard. Watch me go!” “My setting is really working for me and I’m understanding who these characters are and why they’re doing what they’re doing.”
later… “Wait. Who are these people?” “Why don’t they just proclaim their love for each other?” “I’m filled with extreme uncertainty every odd moment and I’m cringing every even moment.”
later… “What’s supposed to be happening plot-wise? “Why are these characters doing what they’re doing?” “Just keep going. It’s okay if the first draft is bad.” “Stop hyperventilating.” “Just embrace that it’s bad and get the story down.”
[REACHES OUT TO WRITER FRIENDS TO ENSURE CURRENT STATE OF MENTAL TORTURE IS NORMAL] [RECEIVES CONFIRMATION THAT IT IS]
later… “What was the point of all that pre-writing if it’s no help to me now? Thanks for nothing, pre-writing.”
later… “This hero is not hunky.” “This book is really stupid.” “I’m a fraud! What was I thinking? I can’t write a novel!” “Jesus, take the wheel!”
Stage 3: Rewriting
“Uh oh. It’s no longer okay if this book is bad.” “What is the theme of this book?” “This is the sixteenth time I’ve used that phrase!” “What on earth was I thinking when I wrote this scene?” “Does this make sense?” “Is this believable?” “How can I make this hero hunky?”
later… [SELECT HUGE PORTION OF BOOK] [DELETE] [WRITE HUGE NEW PORTION]
later… “Why is my writing process so inefficient?!” “Every other writer’s process must be superior to my process.”
later… [SELECT HUGE PORTION OF BOOK] [DELETE] [WRITE HUGE NEW PORTION]
[REACHES OUT TO WRITER FRIENDS TO ENSURE CURRENT STATE OF MENTAL TORTURE IS NORMAL] [RECEIVES CONFIRMATION THAT IT IS]
later… “I think my editor is going to send this manuscript back accompanied by two words. START. OVER.”
later… [SELECT HUGE PORTION OF BOOK] [DELETE] [WRITE HUGE NEW PORTION]
later… “My career is over.” “Jesus, take the wheel!”
Stage 4: Publication
“I’m done! I have no idea how it happened, but I’m finally done and I… love this book.” “It’s beautiful, with it’s fancy cover, and formatted pages! I’m so proud!” “I’ve written a wonderful story! I think. Maybe it’s not wonderful. Who cares, because I’m DONE.” “Look, it’s on the shelf at my local Barnes & Noble!”
[TAKE SELFIE WITH BOOK AT BARNES & NOBLE]
later… “The contents of my book have become a traumatic smudge in my brain. Now that I’m firmly lodged in stage #2 of a new manuscript, I hardly remember writing my prior book.”
later… “A book club is asking me to answer the discussion questions at the back of my novel and I don’t know the answers. Which character is a metaphor of Jesus? I have no idea!”
later… “Are any real, live people actually going to buy and read this book?” “Jesus take the wheel!”
And there you have it — the real writing process! Writers, does any of the above ring especially true for you? Readers, we’re very glad that real, live people actually DO buy and read our books. Thank you!
