THE HUMAN URGE TO HAVE AN ENEMY
Old clichés can stick around: woman have it good; men take care of them; women are the weaker sex. And sometimes: women are the enemy.
But I don’t believe any of those cliches are essentially true, though sometimes, as a female, I wonder how I made it this far. Made it safely, my body and my mind intact. I say this because of my position as a female in this world and of all the struggles females have had to make–still have to make–physical and mental struggles. Yes, I have been fortunate. Yes, I have great, wonderful men in my life from my husband, my brothers, son, son-in-laws, friends, fellow workers etc etc.
But I don’t believe women are the weaker sex. It’s just not true on any level. (My mother raised me and she was as strong as they get.) The weaker sex thing is some mystique or “bill-of-goods” society has tried to sell us. Or it’s the roles we’ve been forced to take. You pick.
Consider that almost from the beginning (and I write almost because I wasn’t there), men have physically lorded it over woman. Some would argue it is part of biology, anatomy—though through evolution or just plain choice and decision-making, there are woman who are physically more prepared for battle today, than many men. And there’s Billy Jean King and Bobby Riggs.
And even though Elizabeth I of England had great power as did Catherine the Great of Russia, Cleopatra and Margaret Thatcher to name a few—the fight is still on. 45 (I just can’t use the name) would have had to suffer some terrible disease or a major heart attack to escape facing that a WOMAN beat him in the 2016 election. So, he cheated. Face it, he’s still cheating.
And some say: But everyone does. Yes, there is that. It’s how many people roll. In order for their blood flow, their desires to move them through life, they must have an enemy. They must get ahead of or around someone else. And often—it’s a woman. The physicality thing, the power thing, is still there. I’d prefer that honesty and intelligence be a major consideration when selecting a so-called winner–or a leader of our country.
HISTORY NEVER DIES
A few years ago, my husband was watching some historical series about the Greeks and Romans. Okay. But I stopped to watch at an inopportune time. A phalanx of Roman soldiers were marching along a dusty road. You can picture it—the battle attire, the olive trees, the sand wafting up. And some woman with a basket has wandered out of the trees on her way home.
Immediately, the leader of the legion stops his troops, gets down off his horse and accosts the woman. Right there on the sandy road, her basket rolls away, she is on the ground and he is raping her while all his troops stand and watch. She is nothing, after all. She’s some woman. When this evilness is accomplished, the leader adjusts himself, gets back on his horse and the troops move on. Just television? No. I think history.
When Dr. Christine Blasey Ford heard that Brett Kavanaugh had been nominated for a position on the Supreme Court, memories overcame her. She had not been raped like the woman along the dusty Greek highway, but only because Ford was able to fight back and then happenstance saved her—the two men fell off the bed and Ford escaped.
But make no mistake—she was attacked, laughed at, vilified. Her body which encased all that she was—her loves, her thoughts, memories and accomplishments—none of that was considered when Kavanaugh and a friend attacked her. She was only a body, a victim. She was the Greek woman along the road. If she or the Greek woman were impregnated—who knows and who cares. Not the attacker.
MODERN POWER—PICK AN ENEMY
It’s always been the case—to win, you have to beat someone. In: sports, contests, politics, auditions. Even getting into college—you have to beat out someone else, hope that they are less smart, less prepared or whose background might or might not work against them—people of color, people who are not economically blessed and not in the very distant past—women.
How horrible for a man to lose to a woman! Not so horrible anymore. Happens all the time. Women are frontrunners, women are winners.
Unless the fix is in. I mean we all saw Brett Kavanaugh with his face twisted up in anger, his body leaning on the desk as if he wanted to hurl it at someone or slug Ford, try to destroy her all over again. If Dr. Ford was angry about Kavanaugh attempting to rape her, he was incensed that she even had a right to sit there and accuse him. HOW DARE SHE.
She dared. SHE HAD A RIGHT TO DO SO. Progress.
The woman on the Greek road had no rights. Even in ancient Rome where a republic existed and men could vote, women could not vote or hold public office. They were excluded from speaking out on the Senate floor. The only time a woman could speak out in Roman life was as a victim, a martyr or a protector of her family.
FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE
When women assert themselves, like Dr. Ford, Billie Jean King, Anais Nin, Gloria Steinem—they can make some people feel uncomfortable. That’s the point. That’s good. They are stepping outside familiar norms. They are stating that their equality exists on every level. They don’t want men to be their enemies. They do want men to acknowledge them as equals. BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN FROM THE BEGINNING.
Think of all the words you have read, the video that you have seen throughout your long or short life that subtly asserts that all this struggle is normal. And people get comfortable with normal.
with men beating their wives, domestic abuse;
with a presidential candidate bragging about assaulting women;
with ignoring the presence of the casting couch;
with saying “That’s just the way it is” when Anita Hill accused Clarence Thomas of sexual harassment and a newsman later commented about Hill: “a little bit nutty and a little bit slutty;” Case closed, though he later said what he wrote was a lie.
AS THINGS IMPROVE
Social media has helped women to come forward and tell their stories. #MeToo; #WhyILeft; #YouKnowMe—all have allowed women to come forward, the fear of physical retribution lessening because of safety in numbers. As Dr. Ford told the Washington Post when discussing her hesitation to speak out: “Why suffer through the annihilation if it’s not going to matter?”
Kamala Harris, Senator from California, wrote about Ford: “Her courage, in the face of those who wished to silence her, galvanized Americans, and her unfathomable sacrifice, out of a sense of civic duty, shined a spotlight on the way we treat survivors of sexual violence.”
And how did Ford respond after being in the spotlight: “Although coming forward was terrifying, and caused disruption to our lives, I am grateful to have had the opportunity to fulfill my civic duty.”
Now that’s not looking for an enemy. That’s an attempt to tell the truth, a truth that matters to many of us going forward.
Thanks to Lyz Lenz SHOUTING INTO THE VOID Time, Sept. 30th
ARTWORK: Stick Girl Drawing at Painting Valley.com and Workplace Psychology.net
