Step Parent

Most challenging job in the world . . . Parent. Want to up the level of difficulty, be a step parent. You have to take children that are not yours and make them yours in your head and heart. You have to love them like your own, even if they don’t reciprocate that love at the same level back to you at first. Patience, perseverance, and love is the only way to make it happen.

You have to know your role. You could be anywhere from number three to number seven on your step child’s list, with bio mom and dad ahead of you, as well as grandparents, depending on their relationship. No matter where you are in their pecking order, they have to be tied for first in yours right along with the other step/bio children you have.

Certainly you never want to be harder on them than you own, but at the same time you can’t be easier on them because you feel you have to. Consistency is the key, otherwise you are going to cause resentment in your direction and between the kids.

It is hard, but you have to swallow your pride sometimes, and fight the jealousy you may feel when you are not number one in their lives no matter how hard you try. It’s okay. Sometimes you are going to rocket to number two if they a pissed at mom, or number one if they are angry with mom and dad. Or maybe you just had a great day together and you feel on top of the world because they want you. Embrace the moment, but realize it will probably be short lived.

Think about it? Your own kids are going to drop you down to second or lower at times.

They will get mad at you, disrespect you, do the exact opposite of what you told them to do, and maybe even hate you at times . . . just like your bio kids will. And always remember you are there to be the parent, not the best friend. You can have some fantastic mother/father son/ daughter moments, but you are still a parent.

Actually, being a step parent better prepares you for when they are grown, wed, and have their own kids. The bio parent is used to being number one in their child’s life ninety percent of the time. It can be devastating for mom/dad when suddenly they have fallen a few spots because their child’s spouse and children have taken over the top of the list. As a step parent you have already experienced that, so you know how to handle it.

My kids are grown and my grand babies are growing. I have a good relationship with them, despite mistakes as a person and as a parent/grandparent. All six grand babies thus far are from my step children (and I only use the word step or in law when it is necessary for clarity and context – they are only my children as far as I’m concerned). Try to tell me they aren’t really mine and I’ll tell you to go pound sand.

I am very rarely if ever number one any more. I don’t care. As long as I stay in the top twenty or so and they know that dad/pops/papa/deputy/grandpa and occasionally stinky old man LOL loves them and is here when needed, I’m as blessed as any man deserves to be.