Shawn Boyd's Blog: Shawn of the Undead

Spiral

Perfection. It is unachievable. It is unrealistic. It is unnecessary. We need to learn to accept our imperfections and live our imperfect life to the fullest. As a recovering alcoholic, I understand the danger of a downward spiral. It happens with more than addiction, and it occurs when we expect nothing less than perfection. We don't realize that having to be flawless is the flaw. The inability to accept imperfection is the inability to accept ourselves.
We wake up in the morning ready to make our "fresh start." We are going to eat better, exercise, drink more water, and take control of our life.
But we wake up late and skip our morning workout, which we will get to this evening. We drink a pre-made protein shake and have to pack a half ass lunch so we can get out the door. We are fine. We still got this.
We threw an apple, a banana, a low carb yogurt, and a protein bar in our lunch sack. By nine fifteen we have eaten the banana and the yogurt. On our ten o'clock break we eat the apple and the protein bar. By the time lunch rolls around we are ravenous and out of food. We run out to grab something quick, but there is no quick because every drive thru has a line. By the time we get to place our order there us no time to eat a salad, and that would not have satisfied us anyways. We order the double bacon cheeseburger, large fry, and a large soda (not of the diet variety either).
We get back to work having stuffed our lunch down our throat on the drive back. We feel pretty good. Ten minutes go by and we begin to get a sick feeling in our stomach. We ate wrong. We ate too fast. We ate too much. Now all we want to do is take a nap. On our afternoon break we need a pick me up, so we grab a soda or a candy bar. That just makes things worse.
We get home and we are all out of whack. We are sick, tired and dehydrated because all that water we were going to drink went by the wayside. We lay down hoping a nap will re-energize us. When we get up we will make a nice dinner, do some housework, and pack our lunch for tomorrow. We will be better prepared to face the day, after all a lack of preparation is what threw us off to begin with.
We wake up a couple of hours later and realize we don't feel like cooking or cleaning. We order a pizza, a sub, and a two liter of soda. We decide we will kick back and watch a couple of episodes of a show we have fallen behind on.
Half a pizza, half a sub, and most of the two liter are going into the fridge. We didn't prep anything for tomorrow, so the pizza, pop and sub go into the lunch bag. What we did was sabotage the coming day before it even got here. We over ordered knowing there would be left overs, and now could not dream of throwing it away.
So we hit the "f@#k it" button and for the second day we are spiraling out of control. For me this would bring me one step closer to "poppin' a top" or unscrewing a cap. But just for the night. Tomorrow we start fresh . Then that tomorrow never comes. We let one bad choice spiral into another. We let one mistake turn into a series of mistakes that turn into a catastrophe.
Why do we wait to make that "fresh start"? Do we have to go to bed and wake up before we can make a change? Every time we inhale we take in fresh oxygen, new life. Every time we exhale we release the bad. So, why can't we make a fresh start in the moment? Why continue on a destructive path waiting for tomorrow to make things right? Live in the moment, for the moment, by the moment. Make every moment count. It only takes a moment to get off track - but it also only takes a moment to get back on as well.

The Artist's Way

The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity

I do not believe there is one book, one source, or one person who has all the answers. That being said, The Artist's Way has helped me achieve and maintain sobriety, rediscover my inner child artist, and opened up my creativity like never before.
Its not just a book, it is a twelve week program designed to guide you step by step toward recovery and rediscovery of yourself. There is an artist inside all of us. It is suppressed for many different reasons. Maybe we were told we would never make it - or that writing, painting, sculpting weren't real jobs. Maybe it is our own fear of failure, that if we can't do it perfectly why do it at all. We say we are too busy, we have too many people we have to take care of because they depend on us. The list of excuses go on and on.
There are a plethora of things that we use to block our own creativity. The Artist's Way helps you discover what is holding you back, and ways you can unblock your creative being. If only I were good enough, if only I had more time, if only . . . if only will no longer be an excuse.
Two of the most important things I took from the program were the Morning Pages and the Artist's Dates. The Morning Pages help clear your mind, open your creative channels, and prepare you to face the day. The Artist's Dates make sure you are taking time for you, even if its just for an hour or two each week, to reward yourself and recharge your creative energy.
If you are ready to release your inner artist and begin your journey of self discovery, pick up a copy of this book. You can only gain from its content.

Love at its purest

Love in its purest form
On the eve of Mother’s Day.

Love, it is the most powerful force in the universe. It knows not of jealousy, rage, or deceit. People can fail, but Love cannot.
They say that nothing can compare to a mother’s love. I, for one, believe it. A mother can play many roles, yet no one can replace her. Why is that? Because the relationship she has with her child is of the truest kind.
As she carries the baby and it grows inside her, it is love in its purest form. Her heartbeat is the first thing they know. The gentle tones of her voice calm and soothe them, and they are totally immersed in her love.
It is beautiful. It is perfect. It is unconditional. That is why we should celebrate moms everyday. It is also why losing your mom, for most people, is harder than losing your dad. Both are loved, but it is just different. There is a connection that starts at conception between mother and child like no other. She shares her body with us, feeds and nourishes us, and is our first love.
Before we knew anyone else, we knew mom.

Vrykolakas

The Evolution of the Vampire Book III: Vrykolakas is now in contract. As soon as my publisher, Tell-Tale Publishing gives me the cover, the trailer, and then of course the book I will let you know! Xiang Shi got us started in China. Raksasha continued the saga in India. Vrykolakas moves the story into Japan, Australia, and the Roman Empire. More new monsters are introduced, as well as new heroes who join the fight to stop the spread. Come join the Evolution!
Stay tuned for more.

Imagine

The song Imagine by John Lennon.

I was raised in a very conservative home. My father was a deputy sheriff and a protestant minister. It taught me a lot of good things, but it also made my vision very narrow on many subjects. This song and how I viewed it then and how I view it now shows exactly how I have changed over the years.

At first I didn’t really pay attention to the song Then, later in life I started to think “Is this guy promoting communism?” That didn’t settle well with this veteran, flag waving American. My next thought was “Is this guy an atheist? Agnostic? That didn’t set well with this son of a preacher man.

Then I heard it at my Uncle Denny’s funeral (he grew up in the sixties and loved the Beatles and John Lennon) over a decade ago. I began to consider the song differently. My Uncle was a good man - laughing, joking, and smiling whenever I was around him. He also seemed to be a wise man, so what was he getting from this song that I wasn’t? I let it go again for a long time.

Lo and behold I reacquainted myself with music several weeks ago, once a huge passion of mine. I listened to songs that brought back memories good and bad. I listened to this song several times over the course of a few days and BAM! it hit me. What did the song mean to me? What was John and my Uncle telling me? The lyrics to the song are below. This is what I got, it wouldn’t have made a good song in this manner, because the message being conveyed can be summarized in one line. It is the one thing that I myself am trying to accomplish in my own life.

Imagine there’s no ego . . .


Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today (ah ah ah)
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion, too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

Gray matter

I am amazed by the things I knew growing up to be absolute truths that turned out otherwise. Back then the world was black and white with very little in between. Now I am surprised how large the gray area in my life has become. I can see the exact same thing in completely different ways depending on the circumstances, because while it is the same, the people, environment, and situation make it different. While everything is no longer just cut and dry to me, the world has become a much more amazing and beautiful place, and I feel I have a greater sense of understanding. I don't see things how the world necessarily views them, but through my own eyes and with my own heart based on what I have observed and learned through the lessons life has given me.
Absorb as much information as you can. Keep the things that ring true to you, expel the negative, and make your decision based on what you believe. Always remember that not everything you see on social or in the regular media is truth. Ask questions. Seek answers. Don't jump to conclusions. Everything we hear has a slant or a bias due to the source. That includes this post.

Tunnel Vision

Sometimes we can get so distracted by our own challenges and dilemmas we become blind to what others may be going through. We are go, go, go trying to solve our own problems and figure out whatever situation we are facing, so we forget life is going on for everyone. Then someone says something wrong, or takes too long to do something, or seems to not care about something we deem as important, and we wonder “What the hell is their problem? Why do they have such an attitude?”. So we get mad at them, figuring they are in the wrong.

Maybe what they are going through is no excuse for the negativity they are throwing our way, but what is our excuse for jumping to conclusions and reacting poorly to them? We asked the right question. “What is their problem.” However, we didn’t seek an answer. Why? We are so consumed with our own needs and have such tunnel vision that we fail to recognize what our friend or loved one is going through. Then the shade throwing starts, back at them, to others, and now instead of solving anything, we have created more problems.

The fact is, if it is someone we care about, then we probably have an inkling as to what they are going through. If we don’t, its because we haven’t been paying attention because of our, you guessed it, tunnel vision. So take a step back and get the answer to “Why do they have such an attitude.” Somethings might be obvious if we just think outside of ourselves for a moment.  Is it close to a date where they lost someone close to them? Is it the anniversary of the date they got married that ended in a bitter divorce? Have they been talking about work stress? Money problems? A fight they had with someone else they care about?

Do they already suffer from anxiety? Depression? Other mental health problems? Did they mention having to change meds recently? Is there a major event or deadline coming up they are nervous about, or worried that they won’t be able to get everything done in time? Are they being pulled in a million different directions? There is a reason they are responding the way they are. Care enough to take a moment to find out. Generally when someone is acting like that, it is the start of a cry for help.

Oh, but don’t forget to ask yourself all those same questions, because it is just as, if not even more important, to figure out why you are getting so pissed at them. I am willing to bet it is not all their fault. And get rid of the attitude of “We all got problems, they need to learn how to deal” Think about how upset you are at the moment. How well are you dealing?

Live, love, laugh and see the big picture my friends. Save the tunnel vision for when you are in a tunnel.

Cooler Heads Prevail

Its madness caused by some (typically) trivial thing (in the grand scheme of things), but we were under fire and fired back. You have to right? You can’t just stand there and take it. So the arguing ensues and so do the words that are going to cause far more pain and hurt than the stupid thing that got this started. Its typically not the original cause of the argument that damages the relationship, but those angry statements that come after.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” Yeah, that’s great when you are dealing with someone you don’t know, or when you are in elementary school. The reality is when someone you love and care about starts throwing those cruel words in your direction, the damage it can do hurts way more than a punch would have (no, I am not encouraging people to hit each other). The longer the argument goes the higher it escalates–sometimes irreparable damage is done. Friends, and even family members may not speak to each other for a long time, maybe never, in the aftermath.

And why? I promise if you take a look at what started that argument and compare it to all the good times you had in the past, the love you shared with one another, and the heartfelt conversations that transpired between you, it far outweighs that ‘trivial’ matter. So what happened? Tempers, words, the need to be right, the need to win the argument, and sometimes the need to hurt them the way they hurt you, happens.

That is why someone has to have the cooler head. Trust me, there have been numerous times that I was the hothead. It never got me anywhere. I never felt better afterwards, and often it left me guilt laden over the things I let spew from my mouth. If someone you love has done something to anger you, make you feel bad, or hurt you, take a breath. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Talk to someone else, someone you know has a cooler head, before you confront them. Even if you don’t take all their advice, it will give you time to cool off and think. Don’t call your “Rah, Rah” person who is only going to fuel your fire (we all have one of those people in our life), and tell you “F#*k that person”. We are not talking about a stranger we are going to confront with our feelings, we are talking about a loved one.

If you are approached by an angry loved one, breathe. Take a step back before you respond. Try to keep your voice even and your words considerate. If they are blowing up and you rise to meet that anger level, well, let us just say shit is just gonna get worse. Try to deescalate and spin the argument into a rational discussion. It is the only way things are going to  get resolved. And often, the least that is said, the sooner it is forgotten.

Someone has to be the rock that stays grounded until the storm has passed. Someone has to be the one to slow down the tide and bring the conversation into calmer waters. Be that someone. It will save both of you a lot of heartache and grief later, and help you solve whatever problem you two are facing.

Arguing over text? Bad idea. Its bad enough that you are arguing to begin with, but now even innocent, or statements to lighten the mood, can and will be misinterpreted–further fanning the flames. Stop it before it starts. “Whatever it is, we can work it out when we are together. I am sorry if I have done something to upset you, and I will tell you that again when we are looking each other in the eyes so you know I mean it. I love you.” is all the more texting you need to do.

Don’t jump to conclusions. Take time to think. Talk to someone else first. Breathe. Stay calm.

I haven’t always “practiced what I preached”, and sometimes I still fail. I can tell you that I am a lot better today than I was in the past. Cooler heads prevail.

Raksasha

Raksasha

You can now watch the trailer to my second book on YouTube. Why read this series? It is man vs monster as you’ve always known, and as you have never seen them before. In Raksasha, the second book in the Evolution of a Vampire series you find out what happens when a Vampire and a Succubus cross paths, and how it effects the evolution process, bringing them one step closer to becoming the dark, mysterious, romantic creatures we know them as today.

[image error] [image error]

Step Parent

Most challenging job in the world . . . Parent. Want to up the level of difficulty, be a step parent. You have to take children that are not yours and make them yours in your head and heart. You have to love them like your own, even if they don’t reciprocate that love at the same level back to you at first. Patience, perseverance, and love is the only way to make it happen.

You have to know your role. You could be anywhere from number three to number seven on your step child’s list, with bio mom and dad ahead of you, as well as grandparents, depending on their relationship. No matter where you are in their pecking order, they have to be tied for first in yours right along with the other step/bio children you have.

Certainly you never want to be harder on them than you own, but at the same time you can’t be easier on them because you feel you have to. Consistency is the key, otherwise you are going to cause resentment in your direction and between the kids.

It is hard, but you have to swallow your pride sometimes, and fight the jealousy you may feel when you are not number one in their lives no matter how hard you try. It’s okay. Sometimes you are going to rocket to number two if they a pissed at mom, or number one if they are angry with mom and dad. Or maybe you just had a great day together and you feel on top of the world because they want you. Embrace the moment, but realize it will probably be short lived.

Think about it? Your own kids are going to drop you down to second or lower at times.

They will get mad at you, disrespect you, do the exact opposite of what you told them to do, and maybe even hate you at times . . . just like your bio kids will. And always remember you are there to be the parent, not the best friend. You can have some fantastic mother/father son/ daughter moments, but you are still a parent.

Actually, being a step parent better prepares you for when they are grown, wed, and have their own kids. The bio parent is used to being number one in their child’s life ninety percent of the time. It can be devastating for mom/dad when suddenly they have fallen a few spots because their child’s spouse and children have taken over the top of the list. As a step parent you have already experienced that, so you know how to handle it.

My kids are grown and my grand babies are growing. I have a good relationship with them, despite mistakes as a person and as a parent/grandparent. All six grand babies thus far are from my step children (and I only use the word step or in law when it is necessary for clarity and context – they are only my children as far as I’m concerned). Try to tell me they aren’t really mine and I’ll tell you to go pound sand.

I am very rarely if ever number one any more. I don’t care. As long as I stay in the top twenty or so and they know that dad/pops/papa/deputy/grandpa and occasionally stinky old man LOL loves them and is here when needed, I’m as blessed as any man deserves to be.