The Small Penis Rule
As I write the follow-up to “The Dig”, I’ve been developing and incorporating some interesting new characters. One or two of them may or may not be based upon real people I know or knew. One such character I began writing, not realizing who he was, and then soon noticed he behaved and said things that a specific friend of mine would say or do (all good, funny stuff). At some point, I was messaging back and forth with this friend and told him that he was making an appearance in my new book, with the caveat that if he did not find the portrayal flattering, that I was actually joking and the character was in no way inspired by him. Then adding that there would really be no reason for a nasty lawsuit (my friend is a lawyer).
That is when he asked me if I had ever heard of the “Small Penis Rule”. Um. No, my friend, do tell. He proceeded to tell me of this real life strategy for avoiding a libel lawsuit. Essentially, if you despise someone (I suppose the someone would have to be male for this specific tactic to work), you could feel free to include them in your book in the least flattering manner possible. Call them a liar, a fraud who cheats their customers at every turn, you name it! But you have to also mention that they have a small penis. With the latter description in place, it comes down to saying (when asked) that the character in question is simply not that real life person. To which they would reply…what? “No, that absolutely describes me!” thereby admitting that they do, indeed, have a wee shortcoming in the pants.
A version of this technique is present in “The Help”, wherein a nasty woman in the town can’t publicly complain that a character in a controversial book is her, because then she would be admitting to something quite embarrassing.
I looked into said rule, and was very pleased to discover that Michael Crichton used the strategy in his novel, “Next”, wherein he included a character named Mick Crowley. In real life, MICHAEL Crowley is a journalist who wrote a negative review of Crichton’s book “State of Fear”. In “Next”, the character Mick Crowley is a child rapist, graduate of Yale, and journalist…with a small penis.
I believe I will accept my friend’s free legal advice on this matter.
That is when he asked me if I had ever heard of the “Small Penis Rule”. Um. No, my friend, do tell. He proceeded to tell me of this real life strategy for avoiding a libel lawsuit. Essentially, if you despise someone (I suppose the someone would have to be male for this specific tactic to work), you could feel free to include them in your book in the least flattering manner possible. Call them a liar, a fraud who cheats their customers at every turn, you name it! But you have to also mention that they have a small penis. With the latter description in place, it comes down to saying (when asked) that the character in question is simply not that real life person. To which they would reply…what? “No, that absolutely describes me!” thereby admitting that they do, indeed, have a wee shortcoming in the pants.
A version of this technique is present in “The Help”, wherein a nasty woman in the town can’t publicly complain that a character in a controversial book is her, because then she would be admitting to something quite embarrassing.
I looked into said rule, and was very pleased to discover that Michael Crichton used the strategy in his novel, “Next”, wherein he included a character named Mick Crowley. In real life, MICHAEL Crowley is a journalist who wrote a negative review of Crichton’s book “State of Fear”. In “Next”, the character Mick Crowley is a child rapist, graduate of Yale, and journalist…with a small penis.
I believe I will accept my friend’s free legal advice on this matter.
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