No Regrets
In recent times I've noticed with grave concern and that there's been a surging tide of fallen-away (former) Christian believers--both on well-known platforms, and among personal acquaintances. Men and women, who once stood strong for Christ and Biblical principles, are now claiming disenchantment with their former beliefs, and renaming themselves: "enlightened", "illuminated", "under deconstruction", or "no longer Christian, in the traditional sense". In place of the values they once cherished and stood for, they are indiscriminately embracing virtually everything that both Christ and the Apostles warned the Church about. As I read about the latest "fall-outs", I find myself grieved--not just for them, but for everyone joining in with them. I also find myself shaking my head in wonder and astonishment--how could they not see through the facade of glamour and illusions of happiness that they are chasing after?
Allow me to provide some context: I am not speaking from an unblemished past. Rather, it is the shame and pain of my past that has always shown me my dire need for Christ and His Lordship over my life. There was a time in my younger years, when I allowed restlessness and lack of fulfillment to open doors into "forbidden pleasures". But, like any experience, the novelty eventually wore off; and, in place of the happiness I sought to attain, I found myself instead surrounded by the stark ruins of my choices. Instead of a Paradise, I found a graveyard. Rather than being alive, my Soul felt as if it were tasting Death. The Scriptures are right when they say, "Do not be deceived; God is not mocked: what a man sows, that he will also reap." (Galatians 6:7)
I still vividly remember the shame slowly descending into an uncontrollable spiral of endless weekend nights spent in a drunken stupor. I remember the deep regretful remorse of waking up in bed with a man to whom I was not married. I remember the unspoken shame of my illegitimate pregnancy. I remember the loneliness and isolation that accompanied realizing that I was now a stranger to individuals who had once been my closest friends and mentors. And I remember craving the Presence of Christ, together with His holiness--then banished from my life by my own dissolute choices. I remember feeling the dreadful fear that clutched at me in the night--it was more than just a physical darkness; there was an evil presence lurking--a spiritual entity of malevolent intent--that would cause fear to well up inside me during the night hours. And then there was the silent, growing terror that became my new reality as my premature marriage revealed itself as a web of lies and deceit, masking the face of psychopathic abuse and threats of violence and murder. Deep shame, constant fear, and blind confusion ran with me as I fled, running away in the night with my tiny daughter... And then there was the painful shame and isolation of starting over again, alone, with greater burdens and responsibilities than I had ever had before--and the guilty knowledge that I had brought it all upon myself, in my quest to "find myself".
To those disenchanted former believers out there, I would say this: after your choices have created a life for you that you never before intended, I pray that you remember this: remember that the same compassionate, humble Jesus who restored a back-sliding Peter, is the same Christ who can breathe life back into you. And while I ache for the painful consequences which you do not yet see, their purpose will be to point you back to the One Who created you--Whose very breath is in your lungs. There will be struggle--lots and lots of painful, back-breaking struggle. But Christ will be there to help you, if you let Him. And the same God who made bitter waters sweet, can do the same with your life. What is ugly, marred, and shameful, He can turn into a crown of beauty and grace. He can turn the reputation of a self-indulgent prodigal into a legacy of honor and faith.
Let me tell you what I have been so blessed to experience, after returning to Christ:
The incredible, blessed Peace which surpasses all understanding, in the midst of chaos. God's gracious, miraculous provision when I most needed it--and least deserved it. Great hope and restored faith, in place of despair and hopeless futility. Honor, in place of shame. Restored holiness, in place of depravity. Strength of character and integrity, in place of spineless wavering and double-mindedness... And together with that, the beauty of living WITHOUT Regret. And let me tell you from experience:
I have never regretted acting with integrity and honesty, and doing the hard work necessary, rather than compromising for a "quick-fix" short-cut. I have never regretted living in a way that helps my precious children see Christ in me, and helps point them back to their Maker. I have never regretted the peace and tranquility of the LORD's Presence, that accompanies obedience to the leading of His Holy Spirit. I have never regretted living under the constraint of the Holy Spirit, instead of the uncontrollable dictates of my fleshly inclinations. I have never regretted letting the LORD grow me into a woman of chastity and honor, from the place of a wayward, weak-willed girl desperate to fill the void. I have never regretted waiting until my wedding night to be sexually intimate with the man I am now blessed to call my Husband (and I know that he feels the same way). And I have never regretted the beauty and peace of living a life to the glory and honor of Christ... No regrets...Not. Ever.
Will you be able to say the same?
Allow me to provide some context: I am not speaking from an unblemished past. Rather, it is the shame and pain of my past that has always shown me my dire need for Christ and His Lordship over my life. There was a time in my younger years, when I allowed restlessness and lack of fulfillment to open doors into "forbidden pleasures". But, like any experience, the novelty eventually wore off; and, in place of the happiness I sought to attain, I found myself instead surrounded by the stark ruins of my choices. Instead of a Paradise, I found a graveyard. Rather than being alive, my Soul felt as if it were tasting Death. The Scriptures are right when they say, "Do not be deceived; God is not mocked: what a man sows, that he will also reap." (Galatians 6:7)
I still vividly remember the shame slowly descending into an uncontrollable spiral of endless weekend nights spent in a drunken stupor. I remember the deep regretful remorse of waking up in bed with a man to whom I was not married. I remember the unspoken shame of my illegitimate pregnancy. I remember the loneliness and isolation that accompanied realizing that I was now a stranger to individuals who had once been my closest friends and mentors. And I remember craving the Presence of Christ, together with His holiness--then banished from my life by my own dissolute choices. I remember feeling the dreadful fear that clutched at me in the night--it was more than just a physical darkness; there was an evil presence lurking--a spiritual entity of malevolent intent--that would cause fear to well up inside me during the night hours. And then there was the silent, growing terror that became my new reality as my premature marriage revealed itself as a web of lies and deceit, masking the face of psychopathic abuse and threats of violence and murder. Deep shame, constant fear, and blind confusion ran with me as I fled, running away in the night with my tiny daughter... And then there was the painful shame and isolation of starting over again, alone, with greater burdens and responsibilities than I had ever had before--and the guilty knowledge that I had brought it all upon myself, in my quest to "find myself".
To those disenchanted former believers out there, I would say this: after your choices have created a life for you that you never before intended, I pray that you remember this: remember that the same compassionate, humble Jesus who restored a back-sliding Peter, is the same Christ who can breathe life back into you. And while I ache for the painful consequences which you do not yet see, their purpose will be to point you back to the One Who created you--Whose very breath is in your lungs. There will be struggle--lots and lots of painful, back-breaking struggle. But Christ will be there to help you, if you let Him. And the same God who made bitter waters sweet, can do the same with your life. What is ugly, marred, and shameful, He can turn into a crown of beauty and grace. He can turn the reputation of a self-indulgent prodigal into a legacy of honor and faith.
Let me tell you what I have been so blessed to experience, after returning to Christ:
The incredible, blessed Peace which surpasses all understanding, in the midst of chaos. God's gracious, miraculous provision when I most needed it--and least deserved it. Great hope and restored faith, in place of despair and hopeless futility. Honor, in place of shame. Restored holiness, in place of depravity. Strength of character and integrity, in place of spineless wavering and double-mindedness... And together with that, the beauty of living WITHOUT Regret. And let me tell you from experience:
I have never regretted acting with integrity and honesty, and doing the hard work necessary, rather than compromising for a "quick-fix" short-cut. I have never regretted living in a way that helps my precious children see Christ in me, and helps point them back to their Maker. I have never regretted the peace and tranquility of the LORD's Presence, that accompanies obedience to the leading of His Holy Spirit. I have never regretted living under the constraint of the Holy Spirit, instead of the uncontrollable dictates of my fleshly inclinations. I have never regretted letting the LORD grow me into a woman of chastity and honor, from the place of a wayward, weak-willed girl desperate to fill the void. I have never regretted waiting until my wedding night to be sexually intimate with the man I am now blessed to call my Husband (and I know that he feels the same way). And I have never regretted the beauty and peace of living a life to the glory and honor of Christ... No regrets...Not. Ever.
Will you be able to say the same?
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