Why I feel so guilty | Day 4 of 90

Yesterday was my self care Sunday! Took a dance class, an aerial hoop class, got a facial, and hung out with a girl friend of mine! So much fun! Side note: Have you ever taken aerial hoop? Imagine doing spins and hanging on a really hard and unforgiving hula hoop from the ceiling for an hour. My hands pretty much got ripped open. Don’t really think it’s my thing ;P

Anyway, self care days are amazing, but I always feel a little guilty when I take time for myself. Do you ever feel that way? Especially when you have people depending on you? I know it sounds so silly, but I am afraid that Sam will be bored and go hungry without me!!! Hahaha. I know, I know…it’s stupid.

Anyway, it’s like some weird, nonsensical mental block that keeps me from fully enjoying myself. You know how when you were single, you probably did whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted, and however you wanted? I feel like the guilt thing has made me double think what I can and can’t do because I now have a partner to consider. Not a bad thing – just a different, new-ish thing.

Sam has never made me feel guilty about doing stuff for myself. In fact, he encourages me to take classes, get massages, and hang out with friends. That’s why I know this guilt problem is something that is in my own head. I am a people pleaser (hence why I let people’s opinions of me sway the way I act – NOT GOOD, working on it…) and that is where all of this guilt stems from.

I feel guilty when I don’t get into work earlier than everyone else, even if I’m late because I’m working off site.

I feel guilty for not attending a party, even if I’m missing it because I am exhausted and sick.

I feel guilty when other people feel bad about themselves, even if it’s not my responsibility to be in charge of their happiness.

I feel guilty when someone else makes a mistake, even if it’s not my fault and there’s no way I could have prevented it!

WHY!!??

I did some research and found that women are actually more prone to feelings of guilt! Women and girls have been trained since the beginning of time to be submissive, adaptable, giving, and nurturing creatures that are expected to be polite and agreeable at all times. We’ve been trained to smile, not ask questions, and not hurt anybody’s feelings – even if it means that our feelings will be hurt in the process.

So…if you ever feel unnecessarily guilty, know that it’s not your fault. You have been subconsciously influenced by thousands of years of human behavior. And without a choice, we are all a product of our society and our culture.

Luckily, with fitness and food, I have learned to shed that guilt through years of self work, and just being conscious of what I was feeling and why I was feeling that way. I ended up figuring out these 2 truths:

I used to think that workouts only counted if you struggled and went super beast mode. But the truth is…You don’t have to feel like you’re dying to get an effective work out in.

Understanding and practicing this truth helped me embrace difficult workouts that I’m not naturally good at, like CrossFit and running. Accepting that I didn’t have to be the fastest or the strongest liberated me, and allowed me to focus on the purpose of the workout – which was to enjoy the exercise, not to win a competition against my classmates!

I used to think that eating “bad” food meant you had no self control. But the truth is…Self control is being able to eat whatever you want as long as you choose to own it, enjoy it, and move on.

This was a huge one. Giving myself the RIGHT to enjoy food allowed me to truly experience different cultures while on vacation, instead of always getting the salad and complaining that the food was meh. So now, I eat what I choose and I don’t let an ounce of guilt enter my system because I’m not gonna let anyone or anything ruin my meal.

DAY 3 RECAP:

I am so happy that I have been staying on track! No temptations – yet. Ha. Writing studiously in my Fit Journal, taking pics of all my food, and updating you guys daily keeps me SUPER focused. You don’t know how much I needed this structure. It’s really working for me. The pounds and the body fat % are actually going down!! Crazy! But I don’t wanna get too excited because from experience, I expect it to stall soon.

After our facials, my friend Julie and I both ordered matching shrimp salads from this place called Sausal. OMG. It was PERFECTION. The salad was $17 so for LA, I thought maybe I’d get like 3 or 4 shrimps, but get this – THEY GAVE ME 8 SHRIMPS!!!! I was so happy I didn’t have to ration my protein like I normally do in every other salad. In fact, I had more shrimp left than veggies at the end! That’s when you know it’s a good salad! Anyone ever get to the end of a salad and have no meat left because you didn’t ration correctly? Ugh. Like, it’s actually the worst.

Ok this pic doesn’t look great, but whatever. This isn’t a food blogger’s blog. I’m just snapping things with my phone to keep a record and not worrying about the aesthetics of each meal. The point is to make this 90 day journey as simple and effective as possible.

Above is a paleo sausage I got from Costco. Again, label it paleo and you have me sold. But at the same time don’t label mushrooms vegan because ARE YOU KIDDING ME. This paleo sausage is actually REALLY good. I put a dollop of guac in the corner and ate it with a handful of butter lettuce from Trader Joes.

For dinner, I had left over turkey chili. SO GOOD!!! And then I created this keto pancake flatbread situation that actually turned out REALLY DELICIOUS! I mixed some almond flour, one egg, and some mozzarella cheese in a bowl until it turned into a batter, and then I put it on a pan, flipped it, and voila I MADE A KETO FLATBREAD. It actually tasted bready and amazing. I might make it again tonight.

For those of you who want the recipe, I don’t have the exact measurements because I kinda just cook by feeling. Hahaha. So if I try again tonight, I will measure it out – if I remember to do it that is.

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