Am I relapsing? | Day 3 of 90

I’ve been reading all of your comments and umm, let’s just show some of them right here:

“She is relapsing into another eating disorder!”

“She needs to get psychiatric help.”

“She’s got a mental illness and a psychological problem.”

First of all, I appreciate your concern for me – I really do – but telling someone they have a mental illness and that I need psychological help without EVEN KNOWING ME is uhh – how do I say this – REALLY IRRESPONSIBLE, MEAN AND OFFENSIVE.

Can we please remember that my goal for the 90 days is to work out and eat better? Did I ever say anything about hating my body, thinking I was disgusting, and that I would go as far as starving myself and getting plastic surgery to look perfect? Nope, didn’t think so.

I think it’s funny that some people think I can’t go from “eat whatever you want – zero guilt!” to a Lazy Keto without being a hypocrite. Have you ever stopped to think that we live our life in seasons? Kinda like how in HIIT and PIIT28 workouts you have periods of intense exercise and periods of rest. SAME THING WITH LIFE. There’s times when you grind hard at work and times when you chill out on vacation. To me, it is the same thing when it comes to food and exercise. Maybe that’s not how you live – but that’s how I function. Cuz when I go hard, I GO REALLY HARD.

And I guess that’s why some of you think I am relapsing. You don’t know who this hard core Cassey is. This Cassey that sets goals and grinds day and night to crush them – NO MATTER WHAT. If you think I’m being intense. I AM. I am an intense person. In business. In academics. In relationships. And in…you guessed it – fitness.

Some of you haven’t seen hard core Cassey in a while. Some of you don’t know her at all because maybe you met me when I was healing. Hard core Cassey went hard core for a long time and didn’t let herself have rest periods. So eventually…hard core Cassey broke.

Several years of healing and tons of self work later, I am so proud to say that I no longer have guilt when I eat things that pizza, burgers, and ice cream sundaes. Cassey back in 2012 would have been terrified – I mean absolutely shaking at the thought of having to eat a banana. I’ve been much softer with myself over the years, and in doing so, it allowed me to overcome my fear of food and the scale.

For the record, I am in a very happy and healthy mental state that I have worked VERY hard for. I’m good to embark on this 90 day journey, so please do not worry about me. I do however, appreciate your concern because I know it comes from a good place. If you are currently going through any of your own disordered eating issues, please take time away to take care of yourself and practice self love. Give yourself space and give yourself grace.

DAY 2 RECAP:

Here is my day 2 Fit Journal entry. Signed up for a CrossFit class without knowing it…hahaha…so I am VERY SORE today! Also you may notice that I am not a breakfast eater. I am just not hungry in the morning! I keep forgetting to look at the clock before I go to sleep so I can’t fill out my sleep box! :( Also, water wise, I’m currently not tracking since I think I’m doing ok here with hydration.

After CrossFit class, I went to eat brunch with an old high school friend. We checked out Bondi Harvest in Santa Monica and it was amazing for the most part. I ordered this bowl with cauliflower rice, greens, and salmon! It was so flavorful, fresh, and perfect for my 90 Day Journey!

I also wanted to try out this bulletproof matcha drink they had on the menu. I asked the cashier what the ingredients were since I am familiar with the concept of bulletproof coffee but I don’t drink coffee…so I wanted to MAKE SURE that there wasn’t gonna be any coffee in this! I asked specifically “is there any coffee in this?” and he said no, it’s just a shot of matcha and MCT oils. So anyway, when I got the drink, took a sip and nearly spit it out! (For those of you who don’t know, I can’t drink coffee because I have oversensitive tastebuds so coffee and chocolate both taste super bitter and medicinal to me!)

Went back to the guy who sold me the bulletproof matcha and claimed that he warned me that there was coffee in it and I was like…whaaaaat? HE SO DID NOT. Anyway, he would not replace the drink because he said matcha was too expensive. So I ended up giving my drink to my friend. Weird.

For dinner, I made lettuce tacos filled with chicken, mushroom, onion, and zucchini. I topped it with guac and salsa and had 2 cups of homemade turkey chili on the side!

In the chili, there’s tomato paste, garlic, ground turkey, hatch chile peppers, bell peppers, and zucchini. I seasoned with a little cumin. That is it! I don’t really have a recipe. I just kinda do it to taste each time.

I always make a huge pot of chili so now I have chili meal prep for days! The chili also tastes better the longer it sits, so I can’t wait to eat em all this week!

Got these at Trader Joes. I like snacking, so these were great. Kinda spicy, kinda salty. This flavor also come in cashews if that’s more your thing.

After dinner, I made myself a matcha collagen almond milk tea drink. I’m taking collagen to help grow my hair and nails and keep my skin smooth. Collagen powder dissolves very easily (in hot or cold liquid) but if you end up buying these matcha green tea powders from Trader Joes, just make sure you whisk it first or else it will get clumpy!

A matcha whisk looks like this:

There you go! I can’t believe I’ve been blogging 3 days in a row now!! Whoo!!! Feeling free, feeling good, and feeling MYSELF. I think this 90 day journey is gonna be such a positive experience for me. It already is so far :)

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