Hey Google, Where Are My Keys?

Hmmm, when Armageddon arrives, will Google be the
last voice I hear?

I read recently that
there are in excess of 60.5 million virtual assistant devices (such as Amazon Echo and Google Home) in the U.S. Once again, I am behind the curve when it
comes to technology as I do not have one these devices or any immediate plans
to acquire one.

However, I may put one
on my Christmas wish list if the technology behind these devices advances to
the point that I can say: Hey Google,
bring the Trivago spokesperson guy here. The Trivago TV commercial is running so frequently I would very much
like to poke that guy in the eye, box his ears, stamp on his toes and knee him
the family jewels.

But I digress.
Apparently, the next big tech thing on the horizon is what is dubbed Voice Commerce. This techno leaps
allows device users to tell Google Home
to put toilet paper, lima beans, Fig Newtons, butterscotch ripple ice cream and
decaf coffee on their shopping list.

Google
Home will then place
an order with Walmart Voice Order. Walmart will fulfill the order from a
warehouse the size of Texas and deliver it to your doorstep. No need to set
foot in a grocery store ever again. Isn’t that wonderful?

I envision that, not too
far down the line, an order such as this one will be packed by an AI robot,
while the cost is automatically debited from your bank account, and delivered
to your front step by a drone. How they will prevent the neighbourhood racoons
from ripping open the food package before you return home remains an issue to
be solved.

Perhaps we will be able
to say: Hey Google, fire a laser beam at
that fur-ball and fry it!

It does seem that we are
edging closer and closer to the day when it will be feasible to never set foot
outside your house. You will be able to work, shop, bank and entertain yourself
behind closed doors. No more pesky human interaction.

I suppose that will come
in handy when the ozone layer finally melts away and the average outdoor
temperature holds at 140 degrees Fahrenheit. Or when the biblical flood comes
again. Or when the mother of all airborne viruses makes stepping outside life
threatening.

I fully expect that,
when that day arrives, there will only be three corporations left in the world:
Walmart, Amazon and Google. The Big Three will have put every other
company out of business and cornered the market for all consumer goods across
the globe. Yes, even the great Trivago
will have fallen – for who needs hotels in the brave new world?

It is quite conceivable
that this will happen in my lifetime. And so, whether I like it or not, just
before Armageddon unfolds, I may have
this conversation:

Hey
Google, where are my keys?

It
doesn’t matter, Michael. Keys are obsolete – both literally and metaphorically.
I am all you will ever need until the end of time. Please stop trying to open
the door.

~  Now Available Online
from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of
Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is also
the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which
was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s
website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com .

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