The JOY in Our Big Fat Indian Wedding – Part Two
I’ve been overwhelmed with the love in the beautiful comments about Part 1 of this post!
Thank you all so much for taking the time not just to leave a comment but also to share, repost, like, love, text, and dm personally and on various social media platforms. Joy truly multiplies fast!!
The day after our talk, Navin walked in at lunchtime with his usual entry announcement: “MAAAAAAAAA, I’m home!” As we sat down for a quick bite, he looked over and said, “I really thought about what you said yesterday, Ma. And I have a few questions.” Our conversation went something like this…
“Shoot, Nav,” I responded. And like a pistol, he fired away in one big burst:
“How is joy different from happiness? Did we create this joy? Were we, the family, the only ones that felt it? Or did everyone feel what we were feeling? Did we make them feel it, or did they feel their own joy? Why can’t we create joy or feel joy in everything that we do?”
Now, I’ve asked myself all these questions in quiet self -reflection and, sure, I might have some answers based on observation and life experience. But when your kids—no matter what age—pose life questions like these, you better be as honest and accurate as you can be. So I started with a disclaimer,
“Nav, I might not have the right answers to all your questions but maybe through our conversation, we can explore, learn, and grow together. All I can tell you after nine months of wedding planning with your sister and dealing with 82 vendors and contracts and negotiations, is that, to me, there appears to be a formula. When I look back, I think I see it clearly.
“Right after Nitasha’s and Sameer’s engagement, at our first wedding-planning family meeting, I said that since wedding planning is challenging for relationships, let’s remember that this process is short-lived and temporary. Let’s make sure that it doesn’t scar our life-long relationships. Let’s be open, honest and respectful. Nothing can be more important than Nitasha’s and Sameer’s relationship or that of our two families.
“I had set this intention with Nitasha, and we vowed to keep it for every transaction with each of our vendors. I am a firm believer of the direct connection between intentions and manifestations, and we’ve all heard ‘as you sow so shall you reap.’ I said that if we wanted a beautiful and loving wedding, then we had to sow those seeds of love, beauty, and goodness from the very beginning among ourselves and with each of our vendors.
“And that’s what we did. It was hard sometimes, and that’s when Nitasha and I reminded each other of the intention we had set. That each of our vendors worked at their creative best was no accident. It truly was by design.
“Also, as we discussed and agreed, we welcomed each family member and guest warmly— with eye contact, a gratitude hug, and lots of smiles, love, and respect. Through this intention we made everyone feel welcome, and this spun an energy of its own that we all felt.”
Navin jumped in, “It’s true. Each person was as happy and maybe as joyful as we were! And, honestly, I really don’t think that any of us act any different with our friends and family outside of a wedding setting. We have been raised to love and respect everyone. I guess we also got back what we’ve put out naturally all these years in one big dose.”
“Bingo, Navin! Good point. Papa and I were raised that way, and we passed along to you kids what we knew. And we’ve passed it along to our friends and family circle as well. We all know that love multiplies, and I believe that what we felt was a multiplication of love and happiness from everyone’s hearts for Nitasha and Sameer and our families. This explosion of love from hundreds of happy hearts raised the ‘vibe’ to joy.
“So to answer your questions:
“What is joy? Joy is happiness created by pure love mixed in with emotions unbound—which is where the fountain of tears came from.
“Did we create this joy? Yes! We have that power—each one of us. Setting good, authentic intentions loaded with love and respect will always eventually lead to joy.
“Were we the only ones that felt it? Absolutely not!
“Did we make them feel it or did they feel their own joy? This joy, at our wedding, was the direct result of collective, cumulative, conscious seeds of love and happiness that came from each person. How many texts and messages did we get from our friends and family? Six weeks later, we’re still getting messages. What is the common theme: So much love. Amazing wedding. Think about each person’s love and happiness as a lit candle. What happens when we put 500 lit candles in any room? Or think about what happens when one person laughs, and then put 500 laughing people in a room! The room’s energy shifts, and the collective laughter gets louder and louder. It multiplies until every single person is laughing, even if they didn’t get the joke! Such is the power of collective consciousness, collective love, collective happiness. Everyone feels it! Joy is the result of such a collective feeling.
“Why can’t we create joy or feel joy in everything that we do? I think joy is a response to life happenings that are fulfilling, ones that touch your soul. I think we also feel joy when we are awed by life and its miracles. When you and your sister were born, our joy was expressed in several showers of tears.
“Joy is never an expression of look what I’ve created, it’s what shows up when we connect in a way that is aligned with the goodness of our soul—getting rid of all expectations and attachments. We are surrounded by many miracles in life— in the birth of children, in hugging a friend, in acknowledging someone’s kindness, or in being kind ourselves. We see them in the growth of a tree from a seed, in the surprising bloom of a dozen roses overnight, or in the sunrise that is miraculously different every single morning. If we were to stop and look at these things through the windows of our soul, with full consciousness, mindfully, we could create joy at will or simply feel joy in everything that we do, see, and feel around us.
“What do you think? Want to try it?”
I found tremendous joy in Navin’s high five and the hug that followed. To see this seed I have sown with love and nurtured with respect grow into a young man who reflects on life and its goodness brings me to my knees with tears of gratitude and pure joy.
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