A List of Vain Celebs Who Keep Me Forever Young

I love celebrities that love themselves. I just love them! Both ironically and not at all ironically. Vain celeb accounts on Instagram are my first meal of the day and my final yawn before I hit the pillow. On my deathbed, when all my teeth are gone (idk why, they just are) and my IV drip is pumping mind-addling droogs into my system, show me Lindsay Lohan’s Instagram and I’ll give you a gummy smile before I cash in my chips.

Below I’ve compiled a list of my favorite vain celebs in an effort to share my enjoyment. For the purposes of this exercise, I’m defining vanity as the expression of “excessive pride in or admiration of one’s own appearance or achievements,” as per my good friend Google-ita. In the context of Instagram, I’m looking at the selfie (or photo of self) to NON-selfie ratio as well as their use of gas-me-up language as perceived by my own subjective point of view. I think they call this the scientific method.

I’ve divided my favorites into three camps, on a spectrum from classic selfie-loving divas to the out-of-the-woodwork unexpected celebs I love to discover are loving themselves. They are: the Usual Suspects (the who’s who of divas and their ilk), the Sweet Treats (the ones whose self-love gives me, and maybe you, life), and the Unexpected, But Welcome (wait, really? Okay, I’m on board). Within each camp, I’ve chosen my top three favorites because, in an effort to keep stride with the vanity of my subjects, I needed a way to make this article about me.

So, you know what they say, Vanitas Vanitatum et Omnia Paris Hilton.

The Usual Suspects

Go ahead, divas, do what you do!

Mariah Carey

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Dem kids agreed to get off the bouncy house for a minute to take a quick pic with mommy on Fourth of July