Balancing the Need for Medication with the Need for Creativity

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About a year ago, I began seeing a specialist to look into some medical issues I was having, primarily joint swelling and pain and allergy-like symptoms. With a family history of autoimmune diseases, the likelihood was that it was just my turn.

I had blood tests and an MRI. No sign of osteoarthritis. The specialist suspected fibromyalgia (the diagnosis often given when doctors can’t figure out what’s actually wrong). I was put on medication that didn’t do anything but give me blood noses.

I had more blood tests. I was put on a different medication, an anti-depressant that can be used off label at low doses as tool for pain management. I had a massive allergic reaction. I couldn’t eat, sleep or tell when I needed to go to the toilet. My whole body wouldn’t stop shaking, my mouth was constantly dry and my legs wouldn’t stop jerking. And I still had all the joint swelling and pain and allergy-like symptoms. After ten days, I was advised to stop taking it.

I had even more blood tests. I was prescribed a two-week course of anti-inflammatory steroids. It was the best two weeks of my life, pain and symptom free. And it proved that whatever condition I did have was inflammatory. But steroids are a short-term measure. So I stopped taking the steroids and began taking rheumatoid arthritis medication.

I haven’t been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis or anything else yet. Most autoimmune condition diagnoses are a matter of elimination and I’ve only been taking this medication for a few months. It took my mum over fifteen years to get her definitive autoimmune condition diagnoses.

What I have noticed though is that I’m having difficulty writing. I’ve started over a dozen blog posts and haven’t been able to finish any of them. I’m not writing well. I’m not choosing interesting topics to write about. I’m struggling with motivation. I’m struggling with creativity.

I don’t know if the medication has anything to do with it. It could be due to the fact that it’s the start of winter and recent studies have shown women work better in warmer environments. It could be that I’ve only just stopped working a full-time job (which in addition to the freelance work I do was just about killing me) and my brain needs a break. It could be that the things I’m trying to write about haven’t had enough time rumbling around in my head to emerge in fully formed ideas.

I hope it’s not the medication. I don’t want to have to choose between it and my ability to create. I’m probably just being silly. But in the meantime, you’ll have to forgive me for any mediocre blogs I post. Fingers crossed, it’s just one of those temporary lulls that we all have from time to time.