Do You Have Any Direct Experience With Tornadoes? I Don’t And Would Like To Keep It That Way

How’s that for subtlety? Obviously, I’m promoting the use of our fancy new podcast hotline. You can call it any time, and leave a question, suggestion, or comment and there’s a good chance I’ll include it in a future episode of the world famous Surf Report podcast. I’ve featured three or four already and it really adds another dimension to the show. So, give it a try! It’s fun.

Last night at work we had to go into the “storm shelters” again. There were tornado warnings, which I’ve always written off as pure bullshit. However, a year or so ago one actually touched down near us and took out a few businesses, including the Barnes & Noble store and a great sandwich shop called Stations Grill. I believe B&N is back up and running, but Stations has disappeared, apparently forever. So, that sucks. Not only because we lost a kickass restaurant, but also because I can no longer write these things off as a gross overreaction. Wotta ripoff.

Check out these pictures from last year. This is why my “this is bullshit” proclamations don’t carry much weight with people anymore.

But nothing happened last night, of course. We just hunkered down for 40 minutes and were eventually given the all-clear. I believe this is the third or fourth time we’ve had to do this over the past couple of years. And yeah, I know the Panera Bread store was completely demolished last year by a goddamn twister, but what are the chances of that happening again? I mean, seriously.

The thing is? If I actually saw or heard a real-life tornado I’d probably pass out and shit on my way down. I’ve been in a couple of situations where it looked like something like that was really going to happen, and it scared me. Once in Myrtle Beach, when I was a kid, camping at Pirateland. Awnings were ripped off campers… trailers were tipped over… It was nothing short of terrifying. And the ocean, which was right there, was like something out of a horror movie. Man, you talk about menacing… So, I’m certainly no storm chaser. But I always assume all these “watches” and “warnings” are the just the result of some overly cautious beancounter somewhere,  covering their ass. Ya know? Perhaps I should be less cynical? Yeah… I don’t see that happening.

For some reason, this episode of This American Life also haunts me. It’s about a tornado striking during a high school prom. I’ve listened to perhaps hundreds of episodes of the show, and that one sticks out in my mind. So, yeah. I guess I have a true tornado phobia. However… I know how humans work, as well. So, I always write off the warnings as utter horseshit until there’s evidence to the contrary.

Have you ever seen an actual tornado? I haven’t. I’ve seen funnel clouds forming in the sky, but they didn’t make it all the way to the ground. Scary as shit, I might add. What about you? I assume you folks who live in the middle of the country see them every day while driving to the bank, or whatever? Tell us about your tornado experiences in the comments. I have none and would like to keep it that way, thank you very much.

And speaking of the podcast, I posted a new episode today for patrons. I like it. I don’t always like it, but I like this one. Here’s the brief summary:

A few nights ago I stopped at Sheetz to put air in one of my tires, and this somehow turned into a full podcast episode. The funny thing? It’s one of my recent favorites. Thank you guys for listening, and thanks for the support!

I’m going to work now. A big three-day weekend coming up!

I hope you guys have a great one.

I’ll be back on Monday. Or perhaps Tuesday.

Now playing in the bunker

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