Have You Ever Almost Hit Somebody With Your Car? I Have!

You can hear all about it in the new episode of the Surf Report podcast. I mean… this was the closest of close calls, my friends. It makes me anxious whenever I think about it, which is approximately once per minute. Click here, or snag it from wherever you get podcasts of the highest quality.

Have you ever come close to clipping a pedestrian with your car? Or maybe you actually hit a few? Perhaps that’s your thing? Hell, I don’t know. But please tell us about it in the comments. I can’t recall coming that close before. It scared me. The adrenaline spike was enormous.

Also, our power went out last night for about an hour and fifteen minutes. Like we’re in freaking Venezuela or something. Our phones kept receiving weather warnings, especially Toney’s. I mean, those things were coming in at an accelerated clip. I thought there was a catastrophic Samsung malfunction, due to the sustained chiming. But I pay very little attention to things like that, ’cause it almost never adds up to anything. Right? Right.

But shortly before 9 on Sunday it was raining and windy, and the lights started into flickering. Everything went down for a split second, then came back up… That happened again, and finally, it all just shit the credenza. We found ourselves sitting in total darkness, like assholes.

We fumbled around and unplugged our computers, hoping they weren’t already damaged by all that stopping and starting. Then we waited. At first, it was kinda fun — a novelty of sorts. The whole neighborhood was pitch black and very, very quiet. Kind of cool.

But it quickly became boring. Within twenty minutes I was about to crawl out of my skin. This is bullshit! Both boys were at work, and the power was out there too. Eventually, they came home and reported that all the traffic lights were down. It was anarchy! We were undoubtedly just a few hours away from cannibalism.

I was pacing around with my kickass high-powered flashlight, going onto the deck and out front repeatedly. I didn’t know what to do. I was losing it, man. I could see flickering through the windows of neighbors, candles I presumed. This is ridiculous. Maybe it was the Chinese? Maybe they took out the grid? They’re always talking about that on George Noory, perhaps it finally happened? No, probably just the hellacious storm. Back to pacing…

We’d been watching Dateline, which was also annoying. We’ll never know if Cam killed Kaylee, or if it was that security guard who was acting suspiciously. It felt like we were being manipulated by the Dateline team, ’cause they were definitely making it seem like Cam was guilty. It felt like a twist in the tale was right around the corner, but we never got there. And now we’ll probably never know. Bastards!

But as I was pacing, something exciting and invigorating occurred to me: Game of Thrones finale was on at 9, and the power was out! At least I had that bit of good news to cling to. Hopefully, the Half-Shirts are big fans.

It came back on about 75 minutes later, give or take one or two trips to the deck. And, incredibly, the internet worked and the cable worked and everything. Most of our clocks are still flashing, but we’ll get to them in a couple of weeks, I’m sure. So, I watched three episodes of Green Acres on Amazon Prime, uploaded the podcast at 12:01 am, and called it a night.

And now it’s time to go back to work already. How is that possible?! It feels like it was only yesterday when I almost took out that lanky piece of shit on my way home from the office on Friday night. Where did the weekend go? The Chinese probably had something to do with it. And speaking of that, I wouldn’t mind the L14 beef and broccoli lunch special right now, with an eggroll and a Cherry Coke.

I’ll see you guys again on Thursday. Don’t forget about this. Give me a call!

Have a great week, boys and girls.

Now playing in the bunker

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