April Foolishness: For Queen and Country
Cats are always the first to know when something bad is about to happen. Animals are generally known for having a sixth sense. Call it a disturbance in The Force, a wavering in the universal vibrations, or the tingling of a “Spidey-sense,” but cats can sense things like an earthquake about to rock the casbah or a tsunami rolling in.
On some level, they simply know that shit’s about to hit the fan.
Clarabelle Cuddlekins, however, knew a whole lot more than the average feline. Despite her penchant for purring incessantly and cozying up to her elderly human with the kind of attention that translates to dull-witted humans as affection, Clarabelle was actually working double-time to transmit her painstakingly gathered information to her mistress.
“Oh, Clarabelle, you are a cuddly-wuddlekins today!” Edna murmured, as she stroked Clarabelle’s pristine white fur.
Clarabelle nudged Edna’s hand with her wet nose, attempting to indicate that she had important documents to share. Edna misinterpreted this as the need for additional scritching underneath Clarabelle’s chin.
Clarabelle, accepting the scritches (for she had a slight itch there, anyway), then nipped at Edna’s hand, and leapt from her lap, in a move meaning “Follow me!”
Unfortunately, as Clarabelle had stashed the documents in a kitchen cabinet, Edna misinterpreted this action as well, responding, “You’re a bit early for dinner, Clarabelle. It’s only 4:30!”
Desperate to convey the proper message, Clarabelle finally let loose a confident “MEOW!” and began clawing at the proper cabinet.
“Clarabelle, whatever has gotten into you?” Edna asked, pulling herself slowly from her La-Z-Boy and tottering toward the perturbed Persian.
Using her claws to pull the cabinet slightly ajar, Clarabelle looked hopefully up at her human, throwing in another “MEOW!” for good measure.
“What could you possibly want in here, dear?” Edna asked the cat, opening the cabinet door fully and peering down into its depths. “After all, there’s nothing but… oh my word. What’s all this?”
“MEOW!” Clarabelle insisted, as Edna bent down to draw out the crumpled papers. She swished up against Edna’s back, encouraging her to smooth the papers out flat and read the mysterious symbols scrawled upon each of them.
“Built up quite a stash there, haven’t you?” Edna asked. “Want to chase the ball?”
Clarabelle couldn’t believe it. Here she was, offering her mistress the keys to the kingdom on a golden platter, and she was talking about playing a game?!
“Woman, read what’s on the paper and stop treating me like a cat!” Clarabelle shouted, in her best human accent.
“Clarabelle?” Edna squeaked. Her eyes were wide with horror, and her mouth gaped like a fish for a few seconds before she finally fainted.
“Not again,” Clarabelle sighed, and headed towards her bowl to fetch a bit of water with which to revive the elderly agent.
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