Using Your Influence

ADHD & Marriage News - February 14, 2019

Quote of the Week

“In solving complex problems and resolving contentious issues, the most effective leaders use their influence much more than their authority. The goal is to solve problems so that they stay solved. Solutions imposed rarely last."

- 4-star General Marty Dempsey (ret.)

Using Your Influence

Non-ADHD partners often ask me how to move away from the parenting role they are in while still getting their concerns heard. This quote helps explain why I suggest that they step away from “being in charge” and dictating how things should/will go and, instead, think of themselves as influencers. Not only does making requests (vs. telling or directing) show respect and communicate to your spouse that you wish to be partners, over time it also strengthens your position in the relationship. Requests are easier to ‘hear’ and think about – and less likely to be responded to with defensiveness by your partner. Over time, as your relationship rebalances and your partner becomes more open to your requests, they are also more likely to be adopted…or at least discussed and considered.

This change takes time and patience, but is quite important for the overall health of your relationship and for both partners remaining open and willing to listen to each other.

As Dempsey notes, ‘solutions imposed rarely last’…but I’m guessing you’ve already experienced that.....

Need a little help? Join my Non-ADHD Support Group starting MONDAY, February 18! Only 4 spots left. We'll meet BY PHONE, 7pm EST.

My premier 8-session phone seminar seminar ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar has helped many, many couples by providing hope, information and the tools to move to thrive in a healthier, happier relationship. The Live session starts March 26, 2019.

Questions? Please contact me.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY....Except that’s not how it happens for many couples, particularly if you are struggling in your relationship. Follow my 4 tips for surviving what may be the worst Hallmark Card holiday of them all!

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!

Seminars and Groups

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The Live session starts March 26, 2019.

Is your relationship in pretty good shape but you'd love to feel closer? Consider my self-study seminar Recovering Intimacy in Your Relationship.

Is Anger an unwanted contributor in your relationship? Check out How to Diminish Anger in Your Relationship.

Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD Partner Support Tele-Group both run 8 consecutive weeks.

Question? Contact Melissa.

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