A Confused Bisexual: An Interlude

FADE IN

INTERIOR – BEDROOM – NIGHT. JENNY has just watched footage of Chris Evans helping Regina King balance so she wouldn’t trip on her dress while accepting her Oscar.

JENNY

Would you have sex with Chris Evans?

Mr. Jen shakes his head and doesn’t look up from his phone.

JENNY

But why not?

MR. JEN

Because I don’t like men. I don’t think of men sexually.

JENNY

Okay, but. How?

MR. JEN

What do you mean how?

JENNY

How do you not like dudes?

MR. JEN

They just do nothing for me.

JENNY

What if you had to?

MR. JEN

Why would I have to?

JENNY

The world will end! You would have sex with Chris Evans to stop the world from ending.

MR.JEN

Why is the world ending?

JENNY

Why don’t you find Chris Evans hot?

MR. JEN

Because I’m straight!

JENNY

How? I can’t get my melon around this! How does that even work?

MR.JEN

It’s just how it is. Imagine someone you would never have sex with.

JENNY

Okay.

MR.JEN

That’s what it’s like.

JENNY

So for you…having sex with Chris Evans would be like me having sex with Rush Limbaugh?

MR. JEN

Don’t be disgusting. Chris Evans is not Rush Limbaugh.

JENNY

So, you would have sex with Chris Evans.

Mr. Jen sighs deeply. A long silence follows.

JENNY

Let’s say you got a cold or something. The gay cold. That made you gay.

MR. JEN

A gay cold.

JENNY

Yeah. You got a cold and now you’re gay. Who are your top five?

MR. JEN

It’s five now?

JENNY

No, just who would be in your top five. Look, we can make this the bi flu. I’ll meet you halfway here.

MR. JEN

I thought bi doesn’t mean halfway.

JENNY

Work with me! So, you have the bi flu–

MR. JEN

I would still have sex with the girls!

JENNY

But why

MR. JEN

Imagine having sex with one of your friends.

Jenny visibly tries to imagine such a scenario.

JENNY

Oh. Ew.

MR. JEN

That’s what it’s like to not be sexually attracted to someone. I just am not interested in sex with guys.

JENNY

Okay…but not even Chris Evans?

FADE OUT.

THE END