Hamster Venom: An Interlude

FADE IN:

INT. – BATHROOM – NIGHT. JENNY sits on the toilet while MR. JEN leans on the sink, examining a near-microscopic drop of blood at the tip of one finger.

JENNY

Oh my god. It’s a hamster bite. Let it go.

MR. JEN

I’m worried about the venom.

JENNY

Hamsters don’t have venom!

MR. JEN

Yes, they do. Much like their natural predator the king cobra–

JENNY

There is no “much like” between hamsters and king cobras! They’re nothing alike! You have to really, really generalize that down to like, “they both have eyes!” to find any similarity. Hamsters are not venomous! Plus, I’m not even sure that hamsters and king cobras exist in the wild together. I told you already that the hamster is evil and bitey and you stuck your hand in there, anyway.

MR. JEN

He’s not evil!

JENNY

He runs at me to bite me! I can be opening the door to put food in his cage and he will charge at me and bite me!

MR. JEN

He likes me.

JENNY

He bit you! And now you’re worried about his venom!

MR. JEN

Hamsters bite to show their affection. [beat] Much like the king cob–

JENNY

Get out.

 

FADE OUT

FIN