#hearLDSwomen: My Bishop Told Me to Hide My Intelligence So a Man Would Want Me

[image error]On the church hallway bulletin board, encouragement for all of us single ladies: “When the odds are one in a million, be that one.” (I don’t fault the person who created this, rather I fault the culture that created this.)

– Swiss Miss

 

I’m single and childless. I have been informed in countless ways for literally decades now about how basically my entire existence is “less than”.

– Kristin

 

I was single for a long time and got married a year ago. Right before I got married and moved, I was asked to give a talk about marriage. I told them no; why would I want to talk on that with no experience? They asked me to speak on something else asinine, and I had to explain no, that was hurtful too. Finally, I agreed to talk on the Family Proclamation, and while I didn’t really want to, I just chose to focus on the better parts and left out the gender roles crap. I’m sure I surprised my bishopric member by saying no, but why would a long time single lady want to talk about marriage?

– Sarah

 

I was called in for a random interview after a new bishop was called for my Young Single Adult ward. At the time, I was working on a double master’s degree. As I excitedly started to talk about my academic focus, he cut me off and asked what I was doing to find an “eternal companion and fulfill my divine role as a wife and mother.” He then went on to explain how I shouldn’t talk about my academic and professional achievements so much or “boast” about it because it would limit my dating pool. No guy wants to be with a woman who’s smarter than him. I think I did manage to say something along the lines of “I wouldn’t want to be with someone that couldn’t love all of me” and that I was okay waiting for the right man.

– Kelly Boren

 

At 30, when I was still single, I was counseled by my bishop (who was normally fairly great) that I needed to hide my intelligence from the guys because you don’t want to scare the rabbit before you get it in the trap.

– Beez

 

Pro Tip: Women are whole people whether they’re in a relationship or not. Always encourage women to be their whole selves.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)