Sisters Speak: Changes in the Temple – Part III
[image error]The Exponent blog is sharing guest and reader responses to the news of the changes to the LDS temple endowment and other temple ordinances announced 2 January 2019. We welcome your contributions in the comments or as a guest post using this link
“I was so thrilled to hear about the changes. When I was endowed nearly 25 years ago, the sexist language hurt me, but I still tried oh so hard to understand that it was from God. I remember asking my MTC teacher a few weeks later, “Am I, as a woman, created just for the glory of men?” Even after my mission, I served as a temple ordinance worker for many years trying to understand where I fit into God’s plan as a woman. It has been many years now that I have had a firm testimony that the sexist aspects of the temple were not from God but rather from men. I am so happy that my nieces and my daughter will not have the years of pain and struggle from the temple that I did.” – Brita
*****
“Years ago, when I stopped attending the temple and consciously decided not to renew my recommend, I thought that if the temple ever changed, I would be back. Now, I have spent the day devouring everything I can find about the changes, and I’m not sure I’ll ever return. I am grateful for changes that feel like a significant step forward. I am grateful for the message that women are not eternally subservient to men. But my heart can’t stop screaming the question: Was the endowment wrong then, or is it wrong now? Was it truly revelation from God or was it in response to women leaving in droves? Shouldn’t God be revealing truth to his prophets, including these truths? Why did it take until 2019 to reveal equality? If President Nelson is a “true prophet” and is receiving all of this revelation, what does that mean about Presidents Monson, Hinckley, and others? Much like the term “Mormon” being accepted and encouraged 10 years ago and condemned now as a tool of Satan, I’m supremely confused about how such a drastic change in the temple ceremonies doesn’t mean that somewhere, sometime, we got it completely wrong for years and years at a time. I am grateful for the change. But despite the fact that problems with the temple were the instigation of my faith transition, I don’t know that changes in the temple can stop the unraveling of my faith in the church as an institution.” – Lynn
*****
“These changes would have been more useful for me ten years ago at my very sad sealing, where I learned that the door was very deliberately propped open for eternal polygyny in my marriage. But I’m thrilled that the temple will be better for women today. Probably still not perfect, but better. The vindication feels pretty good, though. I want to hand deliver this news to all the sanctimonious turds who were so scandalized by my dislike of the temple, and who defended all the sexism at the expense of my wellbeing, and the wellbeing of so many others. My feelings were not wrong, and now I have proof. Still…I suspect people will say the same things about the temple that they say about polygamy and the priesthood/temple ban. “We don’t know why it was that way, but we know that’s how God wanted it.” But as for me and my house, we know the things in the Church that make people feel bad are usually big, human mistakes.” – GPW
*****
“I’m wrestling with this. I haven’t been to the temple other than for family weddings in four years. I have never missed it. I maintain a recommend simply to fit the mold. I’m so thankful that the brave outcry of my sisters pushed a change that will prevent further generations from the pain I feel and many others have spent their whole lives feeling. I am thankful because my daughters won’t hurt the way I have. I’m so grateful for that. I’m sad because this doesn’t change anything in my own heart. I’m still a lost sheep, calling out in the darkness for my Shepherd. I’m not sure I’ll ever be found. I thought briefly this morning that I’d go, see for myself. Now though, after reading about it all day, I think I won’t. I don’t think I can.” – MBH
*****
“Too little too late. This doesn’t feel like revelation, it feels like damage control. I am happy for the women who have yet to be endowed, this was for them. I’m grateful they won’t have to go through the trauma I experienced. But, for me and all the other women who have left? We’re still invisible and unacknowledged. Still expendable. All the FP would have had to say was “We have seen and heard the women who have struggled with and been hurt by the temple ceremonies. We are sorry for the pain you’ve experienced. Your sincere voices have caused us to bring this before the Lord. His answer to us and to all of you is that yes, you are as valued, capable, and loved as his sons. You are daughters of God with individual worth and the temple should absolutely reflect that. We invite all who have stopped attending the temple to come back. We need you, we are stronger with you here.” But that will never happen. I am haunted by President Oaks remarks that “the church doesn’t give apologies.” Also, forbidding anyone to talk about it seems like an attempt to mask their insecurity and maintain control, certainly not a tactic to help us grow in understanding together. I can’t go back to somewhere where I’m only valued if I’m obedient.” – DW
*****
“is heavenly mother represented? can women represent god/goddess? can women be witnesses of ordinances? can women work the veil? can living women be sealed to more than one husband? can women voice the prayer circle? can women speak equally and carry the same authority in all places where decisions are made? there is a long way to go before women are equal in the church, or even in the temple. this is a first step, that gives a better appearance of equality, and that message is important to get through everyone’s heads. But a child can see that there is not equality in our church. when they sit in sacrament meeting, a little girl will see a stand full of men and boys passing the sacrament and wonder, where are girls in our church?” – KP
*****
“I keep thinking that I’m glad these changes were made, but women will never feel equal to their husbands (or men) until eternal polygamy is stopped. Everyone pretends like it isn’t really there, but it is very painful for many of us. There is an implied subservience with polygamy.” – AMPH
*****
“My first reaction was a surge of relief, of validation, of rejoicing even? I fell to my knees and sobbed quite literally. I have been begging and pleading in prayers for years. I stopped going to the temple because it hurt so much. My first endowment experience was one where I felt betrayed, confused, tricked. And in trying to convey my feelings to family members I was made to feel like I just wasn’t seeing things with the proper eyes which only made me feel worse about myself. What I experienced in the endowment didn’t jive with all the Young Women’s talks, conference talks, and pep talks from parents growing up that God is no respecter of persons and that he loves me as His daughter, as much as he loves his sons. So a huge part of me feels validation, and happiness that these changes are being made. Since I had a daughter I’ve worried about her experiencing similar feelings if she decides to go to the temple and it means a lot that she, and others, won’t have to go through the same. The truth is, even if it shouldn’t have, my temple experience made me question a lot about my true value, my role in the Plan of Salvation. It made me question my marriage relationship and my role therein. It’s broken my heart. It’s done immeasurable damage. So there’s still anger. And confusion. And questions. Why now? Is it really from God or is it convenient timing? Is it that the tears and prayers of God’s beloved daughters reached Him or because it couldn’t be avoided any longer? I’m trying to make sense of when God’s laws and doctrine are unchanging and when they aren’t. And I resent that my family, who wouldn’t hear my grievances and sorrows before, because it was rebellious and faith-less, are now praising these changes as part of God’s ongoing revelation to His living prophets.” – ESD
*****
“All the recent changes have brought back the painful feelings I’ve been working through for the past year. I’m angry that the Church made me and others live with such a twisted theology for so long. The previous wording in the temple did real damage to my relationship with God, Christ, and the Church. I don’t know where or how to begin building up the pieces. I feel betrayed that the Church made such a significant change that directly affects me – how I see myself, my relationship with my husband, my relationship with Christ, and my relationship with God – all without a single explanation. In contrast, ministering – which is essentially identical to visiting teaching – received coverage via numerous conference talks, Ensign articles, and a new website, all dedicated to explaining the nuanced changes. But the completely radical changing of the highest ordinance in the gospel gets nothing? Worse than nothing – an instruction to not discuss it. This feels like a betrayal to me, and I will have to process these feelings before I am ready to go to the temple again and witness the changes for myself. On the other hand, I have found new hope in seeing how the words of my sisters have brought about this change. I don’t believe anyone in Church leadership initially wanted to listen, but courageous women made their voices heard time and time again through blog posts, emails, letters, personal conversations, and prayers. Their words made a real difference. Up to this point, I’ve considered myself an observer in these feminist spaces. I found solidarity in reading the words of others, but I couldn’t bring myself to write. I didn’t believe it would make a difference, and felt it would cause me too much pain. Now, I’m ready to share my story and my truth – in my ward, in my letters, in my family, and in this community. The changes to the temple have shown me that my voice does have power.” – AC
*****
“I have immensely mixed feelings. While I see this as a huge leap forward for the role of women in the doctrine of the church, it’s actively downplayed as not changing the doctrine at all. I vividly remember my first endowment experience as I prepared to be married. I was nervous to be part of a ceremony but I cowered into the obedient shell of a young woman I was because there was too much at stake: my wedding and reception and family expectations and the love of my fiancee were all contingent on me accepting everything in the temple wholesale. I couldn’t pick and choose. I couldn’t raise my hand for clarification. I had to nod and covenant and move merrily along behind the woman in front of me. In the end I left confused and troubled at being a subject to my husband, an accessory to his exaltation and a mere female valued only through my potential role as a mother. Over time I came to accept and even defend the presentation of Eve in the temple and the role of women in general. Men needed a role, too, and couldn’t bear children but could lead and guide and preside. I would hearken to my husband because he would follow God. I saw it as a model established just as we follow Christ heading the Church and he hearkens to God’s commands. I attended fairly regularly seeking quiet and peaceful worship and learned to ignore any contrary feelings of discomfort and questioning. I even defended the model to various friends that struggled because, Revelation. There had to be a greater purpose in why the wording was what it was and we just needed more faith to understand.
With the wording changed, all the years of frustration and shame feel even worse knowing they were unnecessary. And quite frankly it solidifies my doubts of modern Revelation and the infallibility of the prophet. While I welcome the content of these changes, the fact that the Church so casually changes fundamental doctrines while dismissing them as non doctrinal shakes my faith to its very core. The temple is sold as a crowning experience, the height of our spiritual journey where we learn of our Divine potential and see the beginning to the end of the plan of salvation. Changing the script IS changing the doctrine and is a big deal.” – KC
