How To Describe Things: An Interlude

FADE IN

INT: BEDROOM – DAY

MR. JEN and JENNY are in bed, watching television. Jenny is a beautiful cougar aging like expensive cheese. Mr. Jen should have been nicer to her in the following conversation, but he doesn’t appreciate her descriptive flare so he can suck it. He can suck the whole thing.

JENNY

Ugh. I hurt. Like, I hurt so bad that I feel like I should be lying in one of those big beds with the thick wooden posts and the canopies… Like when you see someone and they’re laying on all the pillows, they’re kind of propped up? And then they’re like, [wheezing voice] “Bring me my eldest son.”

MR. JEN

Eldest son?

JENNY

And then the son comes in and [wheezing voice] “My son. You have a great responsibility now. The kingdom relies on you.”

MR. JEN

Wait. Are you– are you a king in this scenario?

JENNY

(continuing in wheezing voice)

“It is a great burden that you must bear.”

MR. JEN

What are you talking about?

JENNY

Yeah, I’m a king. I’m the king, I’m propped up on the pillows and I’m dying. That’s how I feel right now.

MR. JEN

[BEAT] Why do you have to be so dramatic?

JENNY

Because I am describing it at you. I’m describing at you how bad I feel right now.

MR. JEN

But why are you a king? Why aren’t you just on your deathbed?

JENNY

I am on my deathbed! I think I made it pretty clear that this is a king on his deathbed.

MR. JEN

But why did you have to pick a king?

JENNY

Who else was I going to pick to convey that image?

MR. JEN

Literally anyone!

JENNY

But it only works if I describe it well! That’s my job. I describe situations and I make people feel ways about them!

MR. JEN

I know that but you don’t write it that ridiculous.

JENNY

Everything I write is ridiculous!

There is a long pause. Jenny arranges the pillows carefully behind her, mimicking the pose of a dying king in a movie.

JENNY

I feel like I’m being stabbed in the shoulder by some kind of powerful warrior.

MR. JEN

Oh my god.

FADE OUT

FIN