Clearing the Hard Drive of Humble.

With the start of June approaching, I decided to come clean.

I know that sounds rather odd, but let me put everything on the table, all cards face up. I’m an author, I write, I’ve self-published two books so far, the second a week ago. I have a Bingo Ball Tumbler being constantly cranked by an angry retired circus monkey on a sugar high rattling through my mind and I love it. I plot people’s deaths during dinner, carry on a monologue with invisible people in the shower, and occasionally ask Google and complete strangers random off-topic questions like “What’s the Latin word for soap scum?”, “What is the stabby cutty part of a chainsaw called?”, and “How do you spell where?” I love it and wouldn’t change most, the only thing I needed to change was my honesty about it all.

See, I live in a make-believe world, most of the time. While I see postings from others about dinner plans, 400 pictures of baby #3, and funny memes depicting life in general, I hide. Hidden behind a wall of humbleness I creep doing what I love in the shadows of everyone else’s accomplishments and that, dear readers, is not good. I’ve spent so much time hiding what I do and love from friends and family because I was humble, arrogant, scared, feel free to add in your own words, that I couldn’t be happy about my own pursuits, my joy, my goals, and accomplishments.

I recently released Book 2 of The Keeper Chronicles series I’m working on, and it was then I realized I needed to make a change. I needed to pat myself on the back and tell people I had hidden my little secret away from for the past year and a half. I should be proud, I should be happy for actually doing it regardless of my own perceived fears, and so I did.

I told one of my oldest and dearest friends via text. I know, but baby steps and all. He was overjoyed and impressed, I was actually relieved. Whether he buys and reads any of my work remains a “what if”, but I could care less now if he reads them and slams them or praises either or, or any additional. I told someone close to me what I do, I told someone I’m more than what they see and believe. Like an onion and to totally overuse a worn out cliche, I too have layers. I’m still that chubby witty friend who always has your back, I just now secretly hide bodies and battle supernatural enemies with the help of people who do not exist.

I needed to clear my inner hard drive of all this humbleness because, while it is a desirable trait in some aspects/contexts, as it built up I took it to a negative place and for cripes sake, shouldn’t we be applauding our successes? Couldn’t we let slip to more than two people that we write with the fury of a thousand fingers on any given day? Haven’t we stepped aside long enough when someone wants to flaunt their “doing good” scenarios in our face across social media? I say yes, I say open up and get it out there. I wanted to hear the words “good job”, not for the support, but just to hear it from someone who understands the magnitude, work, and dedication it takes to put a novel out there into the giant ocean of written works. I got it, took me a couple of years, but I got it, finally.

The question for the rest of you is this, Do you generally tell everyone you write or keep your lips sealed? How do you handle the fear of the unknown critique from someone that truly knows the real you? Do you let it all fly or do you only tell a select few? What scares you the most about going public to everyone you know or have you already? Talk to me, I listen.

Also, just putting it out there. Twisted Reunions, The Keeper Chronicles Book 2, was released over Memorial Day Weekend. It took just under a year to finish due to adulting, and I’m pleased with the result. I’m getting better at this, and now I won’t have to hide any of my accomplishments in the closet from certain friends like that prom dress I never got to wear. Just kidding, am I? Also, here’s the cover for Book 2.