There & Not Theirs: Trials of a Stepdad

I had a plan. Get through school, find a girl, get married, buy a house, then have a couple kids. It was a good plan, ingrained in my very being from an early age. This is the plan for so many young men. It’s funny how plans tend to change so suddenly. I was almost there, my last year of university when I met (my now wife) Ayla and her daughter. Ugh, I said it, words that shake me to my core, ‘her’ daughter. Ayla’s daughter was 11 months old at the time and had been a single mother since before H was born. That’s when my whole plan got shelved. The instant I met little H (I refer to her as Chocolate on my blog). I knew my purpose. If I’m going to be in this relationship, this is going to be MY kid. Blood doesn’t and shouldn’t matter when it comes to raising kids! No matter what happened, I would treat her exactly how I treat any and all future children (we have three). When I introduce her to people, she is my daughter. When people tell me we look alike, H and I laugh to ourselves and explain that everyone says that. Because oddly enough, we really do! Treating her any differently would cause discontent. Treating her differently in my wife’s eyes would be hurtful. Treating her differently in my eyes would be wrong. H would always feel as though she didn’t belong when she was home and that wasn’t right. There are two things that are extremely difficult to deal with as the ‘stepdad’: Bio-Dad boundaries and dealing with correcting my own extended family. H’s dad and his wife are regularly involved with her and we all have a very civil relationship. Things could have been a lot worse. So even though I consider her my own flesh and blood, I still have to respect that she has two fathers. I dread the day where she proudly rages “you’re not my real dad”! My parents have always been on board, the moment I brought H home to meet them, they accepted her as their own grandchild. But that doesn’t mean there weren’t slip ups! When we announced our second child to family and friends, a common response was “so excited for your first child!”… “No! Second child… I already have one.” “I mean your first biological.” […]

The post There & Not Theirs: Trials of a Stepdad appeared first on Daddy Blogger.