The One About Fear and a Couple Other Points

It’s been a while since the last post, hasn’t it? Don’t know what you’ll think of this one, but it’s what occurred to me as a decent topic. Yes, the title’s a Friends reference. Enjoy.

So, as human beings, we’re prone to various kinds of fear. Fear can drive a man to do great or terrible things, even greatly terrible things. Fear motivates and manipulates action and reaction, perhaps leading to inaction in the worst cases. None of us are immune to it. I’m not saying anything profound here, but it’s true for me that fear has been a large part of my life.

I overthink. I’m not particularly impulsive. That’s not in my character. If you present me with an unwinnable solution, I’m going to mire myself in every possible outcome and be too late to react in an appropriate manner. This is probably true of more people than are willing to admit it, but that’s where I fall and fail.

Even something as simple as what movie to put on before I go to sleep takes more time than it should. Why am I bothering to debate with myself regarding a background image I’ll barely watch? Who knows! But that’s me – decision paralysis embodied in the flesh.

So let’s talk about Book 3. What’s holding me back? Fear. Indecision. That’s not the whole scope of it, but I do think a kind of fear has enveloped me in a cocoon of do-nothing. It’s the fear that I can’t write what I want to write. It’s the fear that, looking ahead, I am incapable of pulling off the narrative inside my head.

It’s the fear that I have a good book in me and I simply don’t want to write it. It’s as if all of my self-confidence is stripped the second I realize just what I need to do to make the novel work. It’s the feeling that I’m entirely in the wrong, that the plot is too out-there, to work in the context of my series. It’s not – that’s what the rational part of me says – but my mind or my heart has tricked me into thinking I cannot possibly accomplish the task ahead.

So I stopped writing. It’s been over a month. A number of thoughts have entered my mind about what to do. Should I scrap what I have? Should I rethink the rest of the novel? Do I, for some reason, need a co-author with a better handle on how to deliver my vision? Would it be better to call the whole thing off and let “The Shadow Over Lone Oak” and “The Smiling Man Conspiracy” remain a relatively contained duology?

Is it a good thing for an author to admit he’s struggling to write? Maybe not. Maybe being open and honest with my readers will drive them away. Given I can’t market drugs into the hands of an addict, that wouldn’t surprise me. But that’s not me. I have to be forthcoming. Hiding the truth has never worked out for me (and it’s a sin to lie, obviously, which is not an afterthought).

And while we’re being upfront, I’ll just go ahead and say that the working title for Book 3 is “The Darkest Valley” and that’d be a quote-unquote big reveal down the line if it weren’t for all the stalling in my process. “The Lost and the Dead” was an alternate title I ran with at the start, but it’s a mouthful.

“There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment.” (1 John 4:18)

At first glance, this passage suggests that love eradicates fear. But when you quote the Word to someone like a platitude and miss the context of the passage, you’re doing no favors. I bring this up because often, when someone is confused and hurting, a person will utilize part of Scripture to help their ailing friend. Admirable, but mistaken. This is about the perfect love of God for his children driving out the fear of punishment for their sins. It’s not a catch-all counterpoint to the very concept of fear.

That’s kind of an aside – and not directed toward anyone – but it’s something that I thought of these past weeks. All Scripture is profitable for instruction, but misapplied Scripture doesn’t get the best results.

Is there a point to this blog post? Well, it gets me writing again, so that’s something. Whether this gets me back into the groove or not remains to be seen. I hope to get back in the novel game. I really want to see the third book come to fruition on the page. I think it’ll blend some unexpected plot points and genres together, but before it can do that it needs to make the transition from mind to page.

Anyway, that’s what I’ve got this week. It’s not deep. Perhaps voicing my concerns will give rise to that creative spark. I pray that it does.

Thanks and praise be to the Lord. May He bless you in your life and may you know Him, know Jesus, as your Savior. Thanks for reading and have a good week…

…and parents, uh, be ready to comfort your children if they go see Infinity War. Nothing to do with this post, but there’ll probably be tears in their eyes. No spoilers, but it gets rough.

God bless and peace be with you.