THE COACHING DIARIES, PART 1: TOO MANY MICHAELS
This spring, Jon is coaching a 7th and 8th grade boys lacrosse team. This is the first in a series of posts about the season.
“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet” -William Shakespeare
For all parties involved, there are a multitude of emotions that encompass the start of a new sports season. Excitement, anticipation, nervousness, hope. And dread.
Yes, dread.
Not over the prospect of whipping into shape a group of raw, eager 7th and 8th graders. That idea inflames the good emotions, the quest for the ‘Kwan’ (as coined by Rod Tidwell in “Jerry Maguire”…love, respect, community).
Where the dread comes in is with the names. More specially, the remembering.
At first glance at our roster I knew I was in trouble.
Here’s what we are dealing with: two Ethan’s, one Aiden, one Evan, one Eddie, one Stephen, one Shaun, one Soona, three Charlie’s (including a coach), three Michael’s (two prefer its diminutive use ‘Mikey’), a Jack, a Jeremiah, a G-Man (I’m guessing that’s a moniker) and of course, Rocco (shoehorned in a mandatory league rule that allows for a ‘Rocco’ on every sports team).
At this adolescent phase of development, many of the boys are close to equal in physical stature.The bigger kids are easier to remember. This year’s Rocco looks like a Rocco. He’s one of our taller, more stout kids and has the jawline of someone who can take a punch.
But the Ethan’s, Shaun, Evan, Charlie’s and Michael’s? A few weeks into our season, I’m still struggling. Eventually I will remember. But because this is an affliction for all youth coaches, I am proposing a few solutions in hopes of benefiting the fraternity as a whole. In this hashtag culture we live in, let’s call it #CoachNameRecall:
Nicknames (ode to G-Man)
Remember the movie “Top Gun”? Do you recall the actual name of the character played by Tom Cruise?
No. He’ll always be Maverick.
The “Goonies”? You had Mouth (smart aleck) Sloth (wordsmith), Chunk (portly and funny) and Data (future securities engineer).
My favorite…Snake (eye patch required) from “Escape from New York.”
All of these characters have actual names. Pete, Bob, Billy, Steven…but that leads us back to the problem. Nicknames prevent errors in #CoachNameRecall.
Pee-wee Herman? Not Paul, just Pee-wee.
Voice Recognition
We are all familiar with Siri. Some of us have Alexa in our house. Experts predict voice recognition is the next technological breakthrough of our times. That time is now for youth coaches.
Say ‘ball down!’, ‘release’ or ‘I got 22!’ and the name of the player who speaks it flashes on our smart phone screen.
Let’s get some smart LFHS future engineering students on this idea ASAP.
Celebrity Association
In our celebrity-obsessed culture, why not find an application with youth sports?
A blank stare into the helmet of Ethan quickly shapes into #CoachNameRecall…I got it…once married to Uma Thurman…Ethan Hawke!
“Ethan go in for Soona on d!”
We need to make a substitution. Shaun, at attack.
OK…I got it…my mother used to play his records on vinyl when I was a child…’Do Run’ something…yes, Shaun Cassidy!
“Shaun you’re in for Aiden at attack!”
I have no association yet for G-Man. Suggestions are welcome.
Just Ask Them
Where’s the fun in that?
We’re looking forward to seeing all the boys at the game this Sunday, April 29 (2:30 p.m. at Townline Park. As always, we ask they be there one hour before game time).
If you happen to over hear me or Coach DeYoung (who’s first name is Charlie by the way) say ‘Goose’, don’t think its a temporary substitute for #CoachNameRecall or a tribute to Maverick’s best friend in “Top Gun.”
It’s an actual lacrosse term.
Best,
Coach Iceman
