Maybe my generation has always held me back…

Had a crazy thought that I felt the need to express: Perhaps my generational values have always held me back.

The voice in my head that says nothing comes easy and that nothing should ever come easy is a voice that does not seem to apply to the newer generation.

I have nothing against millennials or boomers, or Gen X (my generation), or whatever. I happen to believe the fastest way to sound like a cranky old person is to bitch about people younger than you. I think everyone’s generation has a knock against it…the knock against mine is that we are over educated and work below our potential and have very little ambition (guilty, guilty, and…it’s complicated). Even the Greatest Generation had an unhealthy supply of institutional racism, sexism, homophobia and what have you. But does that negate or diminish the fact that the Greatest Generation literally saved the world? I think not.


I see people on YouTube who supposedly are making a lot of money at it, and I can’t help but wonder if that is the norm, or if these people are the exceptions. Like maybe for every one you tuber who makes a living, there are a million more who go broke trying or something…? I see people getting into easy relationships with little emotional resonance and I just wonder if I would have turned out the same way if some of the modern dating/hookup apps had been around when I was younger and single. For the record…I have no regrets about how my life has turned out…

But I know that maybe I have missed the boat at some point. I’m years past the point where I might have been able to make the easy living the kids are talking about, if that even exists. Or maybe it is the opposite, and I am more prepared for the eventual crash that would accompany anyone who has sought out the easy path in life and work and jobs…

All I know is that I write and I create and I keep it up regardless of monetary success or audience. Maybe in another time and with different choices, I’d be in a better place and farther along in my writing and have more readers and be making more money. Or maybe there really is no substitute for putting in the hard work. Or maybe, just maybe, I’m not that good at what I do (though I highly doubt that at this point).

We live in a world where I can reach more people with a clever tweet at the right person then with any of my publications (Trump, love him or hate him, is a great target for a tweet, because literally millions of people will see it.) My cleverly placed tweet will reach more people than will ever read my zine or my book or hear my CD or really anything that I put out via “old media” which I prefer (though tweets don't make me any money) : the tool of my generation…which, if you have been paying attention to the rest of this essay, is holding me back.

When I was growing up, I had jobs, I shoveled snow, I worked in a laundromat for my parents’ friends, and before any of that I rode my bike around town collecting cans that I could cash in for a nickel a piece under the Bottle Bill in my native Massachusetts. I did this all because I was instilled with a good work ethic and didn't have much that I didn’t earn on my own.

But…work for the sake of achievement beyond money never was part of the plan…
So I continue to work hard at the things that I care about, and not care about the things that I don’t. I’m comfortable with who I am, even as I’m aware that the generational forces may have kept me from being something more.

I feel like there should be more to this, but I'm late for my nap and my Gen Xer ass is too lazy to continue. Whatevs...


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