Beta Blockers

I'm laid up at present. Recovering from a major illness that came on the heels of a major illness. In other words, I've spent the larger part of the last 8 months trying to die. For better or worse I was unsuccessful. I'm still here.

Unable to work (I'm a veterinarian by trade) I have had lots of time to write. And my writing has taken a dramatic turn from my previous attempts at literary artistry.

In fact, I think I've completely given up on literary, or any other kind of artistry. I've embraced non-sense. Literary non-sense.
Complete non-sense that springs from an imagination running wild, or amok, depending on your point of view. It's as if I've had that half a bottle of Scotch that I've kidded about in previous blogs and am spouting off about anything that pops into my head. A happy drunk.

But I'm not drunk. So what's removed the inhibitions? Where's this burst of thinking outside of the box coming from? (And why are you reading this when you could be contemplating your own navel?)

Was it my brush, now two brushes, with death? Has coming face to face with how life is too short and precious to waste it/ holding back/ failing to stick your neck out/ take your best shot/ changed me? Has facing my own mortality freed me to show people who I really am?

Nah! Too melodramatic. Not that I can't be as self-absorbed and narcissistic as the next guy.

Is it utter boredom? They say if you want to release your creativity, you don't stimulate your mind with Beethoven's 5th symphony, or any other symphony for that matter. You don't put in your ear buds and jam to the latest tunes. You weed the garden. You do the dishes. You perform a simple task that bores and numbs your mind completely, like watching late night TV. That's what frees the creative juices.

Maybe. I am bored. Though most days too tired to be bored. I take lots of naps.

So, no, not boredom. This feels like an external influence. Like the six beers you drank at the party in college which finally gave you the guts to walk across the room and ask the girl to dance. And who, of course, turned you down because she wasn't sure you'd be standing much longer, let alone dancing. It feels like that.

So, Beta Blockers? I'm on these drugs, these Beta Blockers to lower my blood pressure, make things easier on my heart. They make you a little dizzy at times. Don't stand up too fast. Orthostatic hypotension. That's what you call it if you don't want anyone outside of the medical community to understand what you're talking about. It happens. It's a listed side effect, but is patently obvious, or a lesson quickly learned without any assistance. Like, don't try doing your taxes while riding a roller coaster. Without being told, most of us leave that sort of multi-tasking to the professionals. It goes without saying.

Which is something the pharmaceutical industry is notorious for doing. Not saying.
Not being completely forthcoming with significant side effects. Like maybe, Beta Blockers removing inhibitions? These drugs causing complete candor and honesty? Would the drug companies be forthright about such information? Wouldn't that open them to huge liabilities? Lawsuits?

After all, complete candor and honesty has been the end of many a marriage and political career. Removing inhibitions can cause a lot of problems. Tell your wife how you really feel about her tuna casserole and you'll be on your own for dinner for the foreseeable future.

Remove all inhibitions and the respected Christian conservative Senator from Utah is found with his pants down in the D.C. Capital fountain with two half naked prostitutes and a goat named Dolly.

Forget about the warnings not to operate heavy equipment. Here's where the major liability lies for these drugs. And my guess is, no matter how many phone calls and e-mails I send to these people, I'll never get an honest answer about this "Tourette's" like syndrome associated with these drugs.

Oh well. I might as well sit back and enjoy the ride. And try to keep my pants on.