Some Quick Thoughts On The Super Bowl, Which I Know Nothing About

I saw a headline somewhere that said only 19% of football fans wanted New England to win, and I know people hate them with the intensity of a thousand suns. So, I was pulling for New England. If they won, I knew it would cause the most emotional anguish, and that’s what I was craving. But, when it got right down to it, I didn’t give a shit one way or the other. It was enough to allow me to enjoy the game itself, though. It seemed to be a good game. Right?

The halftime show meant little to me. I don’t know any of those songs, and it sounded muffled and terrible. The whole thing reminded me of this old Dr. Pepper commercial, but with worse sound quality. Timberlake’s a good dancer, I’m sure. But it’s not something I’m looking for in my entertainment: dancing. Ya know? Not once have I left a concert and uttered the phrase, “And I thought the choreography was top-notch!” Both my grandfathers would be spinning like egg beaters inside Grandview Memorial Park.

And they referred to that as a Prince “hologram?” It was a bed sheet with somebody pointing an 8mm projector toward it. I watched porn films in the 1970s that way. Hologram! Hilarious. And they chose “I Would Die 4 U” as the song? The man’s freshly dead, which makes it a somewhat curious choice in my mind. Oh well. I wish they’d stuck with the Minneapolis music theme and offered up “holograms” of Husker Du and The Replacements as well. Paul Westerberg belting out a heartfelt rendition of “Gary’s Got A Boner” would’ve been just what the doctor ordered. A missed opportunity, for sure.

There was a commercial for Coke or Sprite maybe, featuring a woman with freakishly long legs gyrating in front of a brick wall or somesuch. That was weird enough to cause me to remember it, but I’m not sure about the specific product they were hawking. And one commercial actually caused me to chuckle slightly. It was people inside of a dome who went all Lord o’ the Flies at the end because the WiFi was down. That was funny. Was it for avocados? Weird. Since when do they run ads for produce? I’ve never seen a cucumber commercial or anything on carrots. Anyway, I thought it was fairly amusing. I don’t remember anything else. A lot of stuff about Tide? I was barely paying attention.

At one point the TV went black and silent for thirty seconds or so, and they just went back to the game with no explanation. Couldn’t they have charged like five million bucks for that? Or maybe somebody bought it and asked for nothingness? I’d like more information on what that was about.

There was a guy on the sidelines (I know nothing) holding a large laminated card. Here he is:

And again, I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure I know what he was looking at:

Speaking of food, this wasn’t for the Super Bowl exactly, but I made up some kick-ass quesadillas yesterday. I cooked them individually in a big skillet, used an unreasonable (yum!) amount of cheese, rotisserie chicken, and grilled peppers and onions. And I had sour cream and salsa on the side. As I was making them, I put them in the oven at 200 degrees, to keep them warm, and served ’em up in a big pile, piping hot. It was great. I might not have a bowel movement until midday Wednesday, because of all that cheese. But we’ll see how it goes. Did you cook up anything special for “the big game?” We also had Bell’s Two Hearted Ale last night. Holy poopballs is that stuff good! What did you have in the food and beverage category?

And my final thought: I believe it’s time to ditch the Roman numerals. I don’t know what the L means, not really. I assume it means 50, but it’s not a knowledge I carry around with me on a daily basis. Once you get past V, X, and I it’s time to move on. I think they’ve painted themselves into a ridiculous corner with that crap. Right? The band Chicago made the same mistake. I’m not even sure why they’re numbering them at all. Why not just the 2018 Super Bowl? Is that too radical of a suggestion?

I’m done, my friends. I have to go to work now, and there’s a lot on the docket there. I’m not looking forward to it. At least I’m primed with cheese energy. I’ve got that going for me. …Hello?

Before I go, check this out. The Surf Report gets a nice mention in the same newspaper I used to deliver to homes as an ugly teenager. Pretty cool. Thank you, Mr. Steelhammer! Much appreciated.

I’ll see you guys again soon.

Have a great day.

Now playing in the bunker

Support us by doing your shopping on Amazon! In Canada? Here’s your link. Thank you, guys!