I WANT ANSWERS

I ran my fingers along the wall

I never even knew that it had existed

I was a second-generation Irish American

that thought the reason why I felt so uncomfortable

in my skin and with society must be from

a past life that spirit still haunts me

I had heard of the ‘Troubles’ in Northern Ireland

and almost wanted to belong to a cause or a struggle

I wanted to have a purpose and a reason to

continue to fight this struggle called life

that was supposed to be a ‘gift’?

Why was I self-mutilating at seven years old?

Why did I always feel under threat and despair?

To learn about your heritage is the first step

to understanding yourself, the handed down

addictions and anxieties, the feeling of

being LOST and wanting to find

something, someone…anything

I read the murals on the wall and strangely

the majority had nothing to do with

Irish, Catholics, Protestant, IRA

I don’t know if that is done purposely

but maybe it is a Countries attempt to heal

I came back to the USA with jetlag

and enough information about my

family to rest a beast that had been

gnawing at my core and just like the

the country IRELAND, I knew it was

time for me to heal as well.