Impostor Syndrome

I love writing speculative fiction, but I work as a cybersecurity geek by day to pay the bills. I recently attended a hacker conference where one of the keynote speakers gave a fascinating, wide-ranging talk that touched on many topics. Toward the end, he (bravely) confessed to the audience that he himself struggled mightily with impostor syndrome -- the unshakable belief that he had somehow "faked" his way to a position of respect in his field, that he would inevitably be "found out" and ridiculed. He asserted that countless co-workers struggled with the same issue, that this problem was practically epidemic among his peers. He exhorted everybody in the audience to embrace their own abilities, to accept the fact that they weren't frauds and deserved to feel like talented, qualified professionals.

Boy, did that resonate. If it's true for cybersec geeks, I think it's true times ten for writers. For sure, that's the case for this writer. :-(

So here's my confession. I know I have some talent for writing. I've told some decent stories, won a few awards, garnered some nice reviews. But the reviews I remember -- the ones that dig their claws into my psyche and never let go -- are the ones that have unleashed the most biting, vitriolic criticism. And, yes: those leave me quivering inside, certain that I'm a blatant pretender in the world of fiction writing, that readers -- and fellow writers -- see right through the tattered facade.

That can be a crippling, debilitating feeling. It makes it hard to market or promote your work, to aggressively pursue opportunities to share your fictional creations with the world. It makes you cringe and blush when someone innocently asks "Are you making a lot of money on your books? Are you on the bestseller list? When does the movie come out?"

Sigh. "No. No. Probably never."

In researching this syndrome, I learned some interesting things. For example, it's estimated that two in five successful people consider themselves frauds, and that more than 70 percent of people struggle with these feelings at some point in their lives. I also discovered that, even among writers, I'm in good company:

"I have written 11 books, but each time I think, 'Uh oh, they're going to find out now. I've run a game on everybody, and they're going to find me out.'" — Maya Angelou

Wow. If someone of Maya Angelou's stature fights these kinds of self-doubts, then no one is immune!

Recognizing that you're not alone is half the battle. So, to all my SF-writing brethren out there who may, at least occasionally, battle the sneaking suspicion that you're not "genuine" authors, that your literary clothes are woven out of air and smoke, repeat this mantra after me:

- If I write, I'm a real writer.
- If I publish, I'm a real author.
- It takes courage to put my creations out there in the public domain, unarmored, to suffer the slings and arrows of critics and trolls. I am brave!

Don't give into the misgivings. They're a natural part of being human, being vulnerable, and caring about what you do. Don't let the pernicious fear of failure blunt your passion or quash your dreams.

Here's to everyone who paints with words and sculpts with sentences. Storytelling is a precious art. It infuses its magic into a confusing, chaotic world desperately in search of insight, meaning, or even just escape. The work may be fiction, but the value is real.

And so are you!

#SFWApro