Why I Stopped Blogging…the REAL truth

It’s funny because as I sit here writing this and finally blogging, there have been so many times throughout the past year that I have wanted to share what’s going on in my life. I’ve wanted to post new recipes I’ve created, and I have had the desire to provide you with more fun content. And yet, I find myself unable to. It has taken me a while to really understand why I haven’t been blogging, which is a huge passion, and where the lack of passion has gone. But I have finally realized what it is, which is why it’s now time to start sharing.

So…keep reading to find out why I stopped blogging…the REAL truth

In 2014 I was in full blogger mode, sharing my recipes, workout tips, writing e-books and motivating you all (and myself) with my Instagram account. As things grew and the numbers got larger on IG so did the inevitable amount of companies wanting to work with me. It was pretty fun and I highly enjoyed it. But then something happened. Instagram became highly oversaturated and it was all about your numbers and what your account was deemed as, in terms of engagement and followers. The algorithms changed. People stopped seeing your account. And so the work you put into everything suddenly was not being seen by people who have chosen to follow you. Everyone was trying to become famous and many were succeeding. Showing sexy body pictures made you rise to the top, but sharing things on how to improve your health made your account grow at a slow, turtle-like pace. But more on this later…

Since starting my brand I have wanted to become well-known for making health more sexy and approachable. I started a YouTube channel, made videos I was proud of, and did blog posts that I loved. I turned my detox into an app, which became a best-seller on the app store and I was over the moon. I released it as a book with Random House last year which I was unbelievably proud of. Since then, I have done business and branding consultations, run people’s social media accounts for them, and done health coaching along the way to help others. I was passionate about every single one of these things.

But the passion disappeared.

So going back to the algorithms changing, people not seeing my account, not reading the blog as much and of course my value getting tied up into my social numbers (see this post for more details), I inevitably stopped enjoying it all. I felt like I was doing things and putting content out to be ‘liked’ and to get higher numbers (i.e. followers, comments, etc) and forgot why I started sharing in the first place. I got caught up in wanting to be famous because I thought I would get more work, better deals, etc from it. I forgot that building a brand starts from community. Fame became the name of the game and I wanted it. But I was so far from it because my account stopped growing. My value went low, my passion died, and I thought why am I even doing this anymore when I’m not making money, other people’s accounts are growing mine isn’t, and no one seems to care what I post. So why do it?…

I started a blog when I was modeling to share my travels and what it was like to be a model. I created a blog for my photography while traveling simultaneously. I then made a food blog where I shared recipes as I taught myself about clean eating. This morphed into a lifestyle blog, where I now share (or well, was sharing) all things health, wellness, fashion and everything I’m passionate about. But most of you don’t even know that I have all these things. People are still shocked to find out I have a YT channel, or have done other blogs. Many still don’t know I have an app or book.

My Youtube channel brought me joy. Until it didn’t anymore. My blog made me excited to write, until I couldn’t get myself to sit in front of my computer. I got tired of only caring how many people were reading my blog posts, if I should make money from ads on my site (I chose not to), and and why I spent so much money on a website I don’t even love.

So all of this is to say that I got confused, lost my joy of what I was doing, and so I stopped. I stopped blogging, I stopped the photography, and I stopped making videos. This doesn’t change the fact that I WANTED to! I have been brimming with ideas on what I want to do and share, yet just have not been able to get myself to do them.

Add on to this the normal happenings of life, where I wasn’t making money so couldn’t pay rent (more on this later, because what you see online doesn’t always mean that you are as successful as people think I believe it’s important to break this wall down and show the truth!), my beloved cat died, and I felt like I was doing a lot of things in this world alone. I didn’t have my community anymore, instead I had led myself to working by myself instead of relying on my community for guidance. The bigger my brand grew, the less connected I was to the very people I started writing my blog for.

Until today. Today, this morning specifically, after being  jet lagged from just arriving back from Europe, I decided to sit at my computer and write. It’s 7am and I am sitting on my balcony, jet lagged as hell and for the first time in a while sharing my truth. I am not filtering this, I am not rewriting it. I am letting the words flow out like they used to. It might not make sense. But I have realized a few key things about the loss of passion and where it leads me.

When we care only about a number, a follower, how many comments we get or if people even see our work it can make us wonder why the F we are doing it. This is normal. Passion is needed to do a job, but feeling your worth in your work is also needed. If people don’t see if then you can lose the passion.
The solution to the problem above? Make sure you are not putting all your eggs in one basket and trying to become Insta famous. This doesn’t bring you happiness. What does bring you happiness is connecting with people OUTSIDE of the digital world. Going back to having real conversations, connecting with people face to face. Listening to their stories and sharing yours.
If I do not want to write my blog, then so be it, but stop judging and critiquing myself for it. Just like I get my passion from sharing, if I don’t feel the passion to write in that moment, then let it go, stop the judgement and do what makes you happy.
Life ebbs and flows and just because i took a (rather long) hiatus from writing, doesn’t mean I won’t come back to it. I love what I do and what I share and have realized the next thing…
Sharing your AUTHENTICITY is the only thing that matters. I have not been sharing things in my personal life, the changes in my business, or what changes I’ve learned as a person (along with WHY i even care about health in the first place) and by keeping your truth blocked, you will inevitably burn out.

I’ve learned a lot more and truthfully I hope to continue writing. I plan on getting deeper and sharing more. I’d like to get back to blogging a few days a week. Talking about the good, the bad, the life lessons, the things I love and so much more. From some recent experiences I learned that working hard, day after day, will get your further than trying to get fame overnight. One takes a hell of a lot longer and you will want to quit most days, but if you are doing something because you believe in it, then it WILL be worth it in the end.

So with that, if you are still reading to the end here then I am a tad impressed but also grateful.

I’d love to know your thoughts on passion and if you have felt the same thing or had similar experiences to mine in regards to losing your passion or life getting in the way. This blog is me opening up and I would love to connect with you and hear YOUR story below!

Lots of love,

n

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