I vs. Me

If you know me personally, you're sure to have heard me complain (or as my husband puts it – bitch) about people using I when they should've used Me. Even if you don't know me personally, you've probably read some smart remark I wrote about it. Sorry. I can't help myself.

Let me begin by saying this to those who misuse the two words: I recognize that you're trying to do better. I really do. I recognize your efforts and I thank you for trying to be proper and intelligent. Now that I've said that, let me say this: stop screwing it up! In your efforts (however valiant they may be) to appear more intelligent, the misuse of the words makes you appear less intelligent. It's true.

Now you're probably wondering, "But, Kim, how do we know when to use which word?" It's a good question with a simple answer.

Many people think it's always the other person's name and then I. But that's not true. Well, the part about putting yourself last is true, but it's not always I. So how do you know when to use I and when to use Me? Simple. Take out the other person's name and see if it makes sense. For example:

This is a picture of Joe and I.

If we take out 'Joe and', it says:

This is a picture of I.

Sounds pretty stupid, doesn't it? That's because it is. You surely see how this could annoy the ever-loving crap out of me.

This is a picture of Joe and me.

Without 'Joe and', it reads:

This is a picture of me.

See how simple that is? Now that you know, you can use the two words properly. And if you don't, you have no excuse, and I won't overlook it again. I'll hunt you down and be the I's out of you. I'll make you a character in one of my stories and torture the daylights out of you. I'll start a petition to have you removed from society. I'll spearhead a campaign to see that you're shunned by your peers and families. You may think that's a good thing now, but after months – even years – of isolation, you'll begin to see the error of your ways. Then, you'll think to yourself, "I wish someone was here with me." Because if you think, "I wish someone was here with I," I'll put out the hit on you and we'll call it a day.

Now go forth, good people. Go forth and spread the wisdom I have shared with you. Work it into a conversation. But don't screw it up. And if you do, don't mention my name.