The stinkin’ truth
I had debated on blogging about this, but I feel that I should, since I want to show the true side of an author & what it is really like to be ‘one’. Grant it, not all authors go through the same things. Not every author has to deal with an autistic / mood disorder pre-teen or deal with battling their own anxiety & depression, but nonetheless, this is my struggle…
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The struggle of trying to feel like a good enough writer is real. Everytime I convince myself that my writing isn’t complete garbage, something arises that makes me think the complete opposite. Example: Yesterday, I saw that I received a review on my latest published work, which is my very first novel, “Train to Anguish”. I was super excited and decided to do some research into who the reviewer was. We have a mutual friend, so I shared with my friend that I was appreciative of the review. They then told their reviewer friend, who shared some of their more in depth thoughts of my novel. I should see it as positive criticism; however, I believe that the way someone words something goes a long way. Certain words are just natural soul suckers and should be avoided, if you aren’t trying to make the person give up on their dreams. Not saying that I will give up on my dream of being a worthy author, but nonetheless, their ‘words’ struck me hard to the point of tears. Again, positive criticism is welcomed, but certain words I (and most writers) take as ‘you f*cking suck and probably shouldn’t ever write again.’ Probably not the person’s intent, especially, since they didn’t know their comment would be shared with me, but again, words do hurt. So here I am writing this blog trying to motivate myself to work on my current project. I have 0 willpower at the moment because of one simple word. The comments bothered me but one specific word is what did it for me. I went from being so excited over their review on Amazon (5 stars) to ‘why even bother?’. Extreme. I know. Chronic depression can probably be to blame for this hot mess attitude, but in the end, I am my own person and make my own decisions on how to feel about myself…sort of speak. A doctor or biologist would probably argue with me over the control of my decision and how chemical imbalances are to blame. :-p Okay, I’m rambling but that’s okay to do on a blog, right? Probably not. My apologies.
So in the end…
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Feel free to comment about your latest dilemmas with life. I’d love to hear about them. Or even if it is something positive. I would love to hear about that too! 
